standing up for myself- dream journal

First, Baptist Nun was getting married. I can't remember any of the particulars.

Then work called me in for an extra day. It turned out they wanted me to work in labor and delivery. All the other nurses were acting really snooty. I went in to check on my first patient and she handed me the doppler to check for a fetal heartbeat. I told her that I didn't know how to do that. Then I went downstairs (the maternity ward was like a house) where all the nurses were sitting around my maternal grandmother, Comfort's, dining room table. I told them that if any of my patients went into labor they would have to take care of it. They told me no way. That's when I started screaming and yelling at them, telling them I didn't know how to do it and I wasn't about to, and they should be happy to have an extra body to help out.

I took the big blue glass water carafe from my patients room to fill it up. I put a scoop of ice in but it turned out to be peppermints. By the time I got it upstairs, the water carafe was more like a pizza box with holes in the bottom and all the water had run out. All that was left was olives. The patient asked me to collect them in a jar for her, as she had a recipe that used olives.

I went to the corner store to get a milkshake for someone. I had to make it myself out of a can of Boost and a single serving container of ice cream. I made a big mess, the ice cream melted, the container was full, and I was feeling squirrely about some of the other patrons. When I checked out, the clerk said it would be ten cents, but since I didn't have any change he took a dollar. His name was Ernie. On the way home I speculated that they must give things away to people they recognize.

Sronnoc Esor

monster- movie review

link

The first reaction to this movie is perhaps, "what an ugly story!"

As always, I ask what the implications of the movie are.

A street hooker from the age of 13, the main character finds acceptance in a relationship with a lesbian woman.

She is driven by circumstance to kill or be killed by an evil-minded "john".

So far, so good, right?

Except that killing men for the contents of their wallets becomes a habit with her. Her rather shallow, young girlfriend can't understand why she would want to quit "hooking". She tries to get a job at many things, all beyond her education and ability. She loses her temper frequently when she doesn't get hired. So she turns to the only thing she knows how to do: the twisted permutation of prostitution that she has justified by reasoning that the men in question are perverts and abusers.

What a tragic story of a young girl's life destroyed by sexual abuse. There is no doubt in my mind that she was mentally ill. The question is, was she born with the illness or did life events impose it upon her? Was she intended to kill or would it happen to anyone, given the circumstances?

R. Connors

I'm to be a yoga teacher now

I showed up early last night to pick j. up from teaching his stretch class at the gym. While I waited, I did some stretching of my own. The owner of the gym, Ayjay, soon sidled over and commented that I knew how to do yoga. Well, yoga and stretching have common elements, and I have taken a yoga class or two. He began asking me if I would teach a yoga class & for some reason, I agreed. My first class is a week from today. In the interim, I will be doing my yoga video twice a day and studying Rodney Yee's book intently to memorize all the poses. Oh yes, and shopping for yoga duds. At least j. is going to practice with me and sit in the class. I believe I will call myself a yoga guide.

At least I'll be exercising.

Rose

Three things meme

1. Three things that scare me:

• pain
• the dark (only after watching scary movies)
• growing old alone

2. Three people that make me laugh:

• j.
• Self Powered Man
• XBFRN
  

3. Three things I hate the most:

• being made to feel stupid
• when other people act stupid
• pointless waste of human life and resources

4. Three things I don't understand:

• politics
• religion
• injustice

5. Three things I'm doing right now:

• eating cheese quesadillas
• talking about j.'s day
• doing this meme

6. Three things I want to do before I die:

• have a baby
• learn to keep a house properly
• travel

7. Three things I can do:

• play the piano
• cook
• start an IV (sometimes)

8. Three ways to describe my personality:

• helpful
• garrulous
• serious (per j.)

9. Three things I can't do:

• tell a lie (except for a very good reason)
• take my vitamins every day
• scold Ailleanach

10. Three things I think you should listen to:

• the wind blow
• crashing surf
• your kitties

11. Three things you should never listen to:

• popular thought
• fortunetellers
• like Science Woman, I had trouble with this one

12. Three things I'd like to learn:

• to be a Master Herbalist
• to give birth naturally
• all the yoga poses

13. Three favourite foods:

• anything spicy
• carbs
• dark chocolate

14. Three beverages I drink regularly:

• my fertililtly herbal infusion
• water- very little
• tea

15. Three televisison shows I watched as a child

• The Rifleman
• The Big Valley
• Batman

16. Three people I'm tagging (to do this):

• I'm not going to tell you what to do

Rose

riding in cars with boys- dream journal

I was in high school, and I was going somewhere with a big group of friends. Somehow I wound up riding with my first big crush, Brownie. He was very warm and friendly. Then the car turned into a semi. We were driving on back roads and he tried to go down a road that suddenly turned into a creek. We doubled back and wound up at some kind of Christian county fair. Farm women in shirtwaist dressings were kissing everyone and the choir was warming up to sing.

Suddenly I was in Altoona. I recognized it from the streets that went from hilltop to valley over and over again. My car broke down. I was getting ready to walk home (30 miles or so), and I decided to stop and see XBFRN first. He was living in a one room apartment and some people from my church were in the hallway folding clothes. That made me very uncomfortable and I shut the door. Then some of XBFRN's friends came over and we went for a ride. After driving a while, we came to a cluster of houses surrounding a small lake. It turned out to be flooding. A lady at her clothesline tossed us a key when we stopped there.

We stopped at a house and it turned out that XBFRN's father lived there. His father was a very nice, mild mannered, very religious sort (I'm pretty sure inaccurate, though I never met him.) The refrigerator was covered with pictures of missionaries and all I could think about was sneaking off to do it. We went for a walk that was so steep that I had to be literally pulled up over this big rock.

After that I started walking home. I was using a cane. As I waited by the street for a convertible to go by, the man stopped and offered me his services as a physical therapist.

Sronnoc Esor

Aegis- word of the day

aegis \EE-jis\, noun:
1. Protection; support.
2. Sponsorship; patronage.
3. Guidance, direction, or control.
4. A shield or protective armor; -- applied in mythology to the shield of Zeus.

It is this ideal of the human under the aegis of something higher which seems to me to provide the strongest counterpressure against the fragmentation and barbarization of our world.-- Ted J. Smith III (Editor), In Defense of Tradition: Collected Shorter Writings of Richard M. Weaver, 1929-1963

A third round of talks is scheduled to begin on May 23rd in New York under the aegis of the United Nations.-- "Denktash declared head after rival withdraws", Irish Times, April 21, 2000

In real life, Lang's father was commercially astute and fantastically hardworking, and under his aegis the construction business flourished.-- Patrick McGilligan, Fritz Lang: The Nature of the Beast

Aegis derives from the Greek aigis, the shield of Zeus, from aix, aig-, "a goat," many primitive shields being goatskin-covered.

random house photos

Here is a mediocre effort at photo blogging without leaving the house.


Ailleanach likes to sniff the lens. Here she is withdrawing from the sniff.



This is my honey crock, obtained secondhand for ninety-five cents.



Shadow strikes a nice geometric pose as she gives herself a morning bath.



My beloved Astin-Weight piano.



The arrangement I compiled for the dining room table. Intended to repel junk collection.



Finally, a random shelf containing an ebony elephant, bought at a village market in Kenya, the crystal ship that was a gift from j.'s old college friend, and a hobo vase that I painted at summer camp in junior high school.

Rose

entertaining

Self Powered Man arrived on his bicycle up the steep hill that I have trouble walking. He opened his backpack and like Mary Poppins pulled out crab, bread, garlic, and a gift of a suet cake for my birdies. We drank an okay bottle of Cabernet together out of the Waterford that was a wedding gift from j.'s sister, who I'll call Patience.

It was delightful to have Self Powered Man's (formerly PF, deserves better than that.) company last evening. He brought along fresh Dungeness and red rock crab from his morning's catch and we spent an enjoyable hour shelling it together. We had it in cream sauce over angel hair. My cream sauce is sometimes a failure, so it is considered success that it was only slightly lumpy. Self Powered Man chose the movie of the night, The Red Violin, from our collection. The kitties came out and tolerated him as long as he didn't look at them. My poor kitties are quite socially inept.

(Alas, this post will win no awards, as it is quite badly constructed.)

Rose

walk in cooler- dream journal

I was lurking behind the shelves inside the walk in refrigerator, browsing. The cook noticed us and started giving us old food to eat. Some of it was good. Then we left and went to a lake. The girls were all on motorized watercraft and the boys were swimming. I decided to swim, but with a life jacket. I'm not a good swimmer, although I can usually do just fine in dreams. I ran home to change into my swimming suit. There was a big, dead fish in the toilet.

Sronnoc Esor

It makes it worth it when...

The gentleman with the tracheostomy that I've been taking care of can't even speak to express his needs. And he does need a bit more care than some of my other patients. I feel silly when I have to guess, but I usually get it by the third or fourth try. I feel lousy because I don't think I take very good care of him that way. I've never been much of a lip reader. He turns to his childhood buddy, sitting by his bed, carting around his own oxygen tank, and mouths something. Buddy turns to me and says, "He told me you're a very good nurse." This from a patient who refused to have one particular nurse care for him yesterday. Then the patient takes my hand in both of his and holds it for a few moments.

That makes me feel good.

R. Connors

europe- dream journal

I was supposed to go on an extended vacation to Europe. I was living in the middle of nowhere down a dirt road. My sister was supposed to be catching a flight too, but I couldn't get anyone to take me to the airport. So I called a taxi. They said it would be at least 30 minutes and that would make me miss my flight. I was waiting in a very scurrilous neighborhood. Somehow I finally got to the airport, but of course I had not only missed my flight but lost my passport as well. The ticket counters were all closed and I was having a very difficult time getting help rerouting. Little starving boys were begging for food and I gave them something.

Sronnoc Esor

Chicken Balti

Balti chicken

2 lb. chicken thighs
1/3 c. oil
1 large red onion, chopped
4-5 cloves garlic, chopped
1 T. grated fresh ginger
2 tsp. ground cumin
2 tsp. ground coriander
1 tsp. ground turmeric
1/2 tsp. chili powder
14 oz. can chopped tomatoes
1 green capsicum, seeded and diced
1-2 small green chilies, seeded and chopped
4 T. chopped fresh coriander

1. Coarsely chop chicken.
2. Heat a large wok over high heat, add the oil and swirl to coat the sides. Add the onion and stir fry over medium heat for 5 minutes, or until softened but not browned. Add the garlic and ginger and stir fry for 3 more minutes.
3. Add the spices, 1 tsp. salt, and 1/4 cup water. Increase the heat to high and stir fry for 2 minutes, or until the mixture has thickened.
4. Add the tomato and 1 cup water and cook, stirring often, for a further 10 minutes, or until the mixture is thick and pulpy and the oil comes to the surface.
5. Add the chicken to the pan, reduce the heat and simmer, stirring often, for 15 minutes. Add the capsicum and chili and simmer for 25 minutes, or until the chicken is tender. Add a little water if the mixture is too thick. Stir in the coriander and garnish with the spring onion.

Being a carb lover, I added chopped yams and potatoes and served it over rice.

Rose

Revive Your Inner Child Day

Here are some inspiring quotes from Dr. Seuss, thanks to Quotes of the Day.

A person's a person, no matter how small.

Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind.

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary
ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a
telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's
realities.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to
get better. It's not.

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own..And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is
finally better than your dreams.

And, if you're not a fan, start out with my two favorite books:


My Many Colored Days











Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?











Rose

exploring the low tide zone

The sounds that accompany tide-pooling are unexpected.

The constant drip, drip, drip on the rocks.

The scurrying of crabs against the rocks, running for refuge.

The calm splashing of the sea.

The mewing of the gulls.

Rose

my lunch

Curried Lentil and Vegetable Soup

2 T. olive oil
1 small leek, chopped
2 cloves garlic, crushed
2 tsp. curry powder
1 tsp. ground cumin
1 tsp. garam masala
1 liter vegetable stock
1 fresh bay leaf
1 cup brown lentils
14 oz. butternut squash, peeled and diced
13 oz. can chopped tomatoes
2 zucchini, cut in half lengthways and sliced
6 oz. broccoli florets
1 small carrot, diced
1/2 cup peas
1 T. chopped fresh mint

1. Heat the oil in a suacepan over medium heat. Add the leek and garlic and cook for 4-5 minutes, or until soft and lightly golden. Add the curry powder, cumin and garam masala and cook for 1 minute, or until fragrant.
2. Add the stock, bay leaf, lentils and squash. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat to low and simmer for 10-15 minutes, or until the lentils are tender.
3. Add the tomatoes, zucchini, broccoli, carrot and 16 oz. water and simmer for 10 minutes, or until the vegetables are tender. Add the peas and simmer 2-3 minutes.

Serenity- movie review

link

Interesting that right after j. brought this movie home, I read over at Science Woman's blog that she just viewed it. This is too much of an action movie for my taste, and I never saw Firefly, but it was an enjoyable flick.

There is plenty of human interest, a reasonable amount of romance, and enough humour to go with the space battles and Reaver gore. River makes for some interesting scenes with her ESP and superhuman fighting ability. She really comes through in the beginning with the idea that we don't need to be telling everyone else in the universe what to do.

Notable ideas from the movie:

Shepherd Book tells Captain Mal that it doesn't matter what you believe, as long as you really believe in it, and Mal takes that advice to heart. Now that's right up my current alley of relativistic thinking.

At the end, Mal explains to River that the most important thing about flying a ship is love. Love will tell you when she's hurting and keep her in the air when nothing else will. I don't know if that logic practically applies to spaceships or not, but I do know that it applies to life.

So here's to the power of love.

Rose

a few photos from yesterday's walk

Aerial view of a mushroom.



A framed bit of sky.



Imagine a face for this one. You might imagine "lady in a hairnet."



Entwined branches from the same tree.



The lost feather of a Steller's Jay.






little moss soldiers.




I'll let you guess what this is.






The lovely forest canopy.




I wanted to post more, but Blogger is being recalcitrant. Maybe later.

Rose

thoughts that comfort me

A water ouzel swims to find food.

A sea star will survive low tide.

The purple asters are in bloom.

Even a rock wall is worn away by waves over time.

The reflection of ferns in a placid stream.

Surf and gulls.

Sand and rocks.

Green and Purple and Yellow and Orange.

The forest preceded me by ages and will survive me for generations.

I am just a tiny bit in all this, yet I am so blessed.

Rose

no time

Between work and sleep, I couldn't bring myself to write this weekend. I slept 18 hours Friday and woke up exhausted with a heart rate in the 130's. Fortunately, a kind doctor at work gave me a bit of Metoprolol and it came down to the 80's. I've been running a marathon lately because of overcorrected thyroid. The good news is that I'm feeling a bit better the past few days without the med.

In other personal news, I managed to stay up for church this morning, mass that is. This is always a good time of meditation for me. As a bonus, I got nonstop positive energy flow from the young man sitting beside me during the service.

I had a bunch of wacko dreams this weekend which I didn't get a chance to record and so are lost to memory. One was of ex-boyfriend Lewis, though. All I remember is he was wearing a hospital gown and had a very nice butt.

Well, I need to give j. some quality time now.

Rose

More on flying

Here is an update on the West Virginia hullabaloo. Yes, Rima Qayyum is Islamic and was wearing a headscarf. Her mother says she was carrying drinking water and facewash. She is four months pregnant, by the way.

The Vermont woman who caused all the ruckus on the flight rerouted to Boston Wednesday has been identified as Catherine Mayo, a peace activist and journalist. Below are some quotes from her and links to her writing. Maybe she's crazy, mabye she is making a point.

daily times article

undated article (preceded by thoughts on fascism)

When dissent is silenced, a person does not know the truth of the man standing
next to him.

There was no room in the American system for blind
obedience.

Fear is the one thing that will destroy this world of
ours.
Fear causes each of us to act sooner than we need to. Without fear we
can think
things through, make mistakes, learn from our mistakes. Without
fear, we can
laugh at ourselves. When we laugh at our own foolishness, other
people smile
with us. A world of patient fools has a power that we all
understand.

Here is a report of a naked scanner already in use at some airports.

R.C.