Friday, August 03, 2007

Hard to Identify

I was riding around on my (borrowed) bike this afternoon looking for an image to illustrate what I wanted to write about when I came across this unlikely pair. I can't be entirely sure what they are. My best guesses are California Gull and Caspian Tern. But I should come to the point. These birds are hard to name precisely, just as my feelings are a little bit up in the air. I'm frankly delighted that the little orange bar on my stat counter that indicates repeat visitors has been growing higher every day. I welcome my friends and family here.

When I started the blog, I was sure that my clever pseudonym would keep those I know away, giving me perfect freedom to write about anything I wanted. Little did I realize at the time that, in many ways, a more real freedom came when I went public. Some of you have clicked on archived posts that scandalized you. It's true that I never meant for you to see them, but now that you have, that's one less secret that I have to keep, one less silent lie to tell you, one less brick in the wall that separates you from knowing who I've turned into.

Now that it's happened, I understand that I never truly wanted to be artificial with you. A burden has been lifted. For some of you, this means you can add specific items about me to your prayer lists. That's okay. I'm not sure right now where the prayers go, but I'm willing to admit that they could help me. SheWCBN (She Who Cannot Be Named) is certain that I'm thinking clearly enough to come around to the truth eventually. Mr. Clean assures me that I'll find the real truth when I die if I fail to admit it sooner. Baptist Nun offers me an ear and counsel when I need it. Each one has her own level of acceptance and understanding.

What am I asking for? Understanding would be wonderful, but I know that not everyone can. Acceptance is nice too, whether complete or partial. I would not be so foolish as to expect approval, nor do I need it. This is Real Life. I've chosen my Partner, who gives me unconditional love, acceptance, understanding, and approval. He's as easy to name as a Meadowlark.


p.s. I welcome your comments. I know you have something to say.

1 comment:

shewcbn said...

Dear Rose,
You are loved and accepted by your real Father who made you and loves you more than anyone ever could. I accept you and love you too. Keep searching for the truth.