I made a Zwinky

PMS is over

For once, I feel better now that my period has arrived. I went canoeing with Self-Powered Man today. I've stayed comfortable all day with just a Thermacare wrap for my back. SPM then came to the house (he treated us to Japanese food) and we watched a movie. I got hungry and baked an applesauce spice cake. Now we're comfortable and happy and the kitties are playing.

Rose

More Sundries

Work- I showed up at work Saturday with a headache after minimal sleep. Various staff members were making loud jokes about a difficult patient who had just been discharged. I interrupted to remind them to be discreet. Coworker ZsaZsa walked into the middle of it and piped up that her sense of humor allowed joking publicly about patients. We locked horns on that one. I reiterated my position and stated that I wasn't trying to cause trouble. I hoped that everyone else couldn't see how badly I was shaking. Nothing but the silent treatment from ZsaZsa for the next several hours. Dr. ChickenFarmer came back and asked for extra help in the ER, and I took the opportunity to escape momentarily. Morgen, the ER nurse, was nice enouh to notice that I looked shell-shocked. After a bit, I had a moment to sit and sip a cup of tea, and thus recovered.

PMS- The past several days I've had a nearly constant headache, combined with the expected breast tenderness and general moodiness that served to make the above described situation into a catastrophe. jc is the picture of understanding.

Smoker- Our Meco barbecue smoker arrived Friday. A pork roast has been smoked. Look for news on the pending turkey smoke.

Rose

Twelve Monkeys- movie review

link

If you don't buy time travel, stay away from this one. I personally get a big kick out of messing with the space/time continuum, preferably when it doesn't involve a time machine or a spaceship. Wormholes, unexplained phenomenon, stuff like that: it's all great. Twelve Monkeys completely sucked me in, entertained me, jarred the cogitator, there was even a little intense bit or two. I had to rewind the first ten minutes or so and watch it over because I wasn't paying close enough attention.

The best part of it all, perhaps apart from Brad Pitt's wacky impersonation of a lunatic, is the choose your own ending. (Spoiler here) Since James Cole is present at the airport at age 8 and also as an adult, even though the adult is killed, the boy can grow up, go underground, and come back to try to save the human race for a limitless number of times, potentially until he gets it right. Who knows, after enough attempts he may even live happily ever after. On the other hand, all Witchy Lady Scientist has to do is slip a little poison in Bioterrorist's champagne, assuming that is, that he didn't already release the virus, which he almost certainly did. But that would potentially save al the other cities. Just pretend Philadelphia is a house with termites and tent it.

Rose

Miscellaneous

A) Living Arrangements- Following a friend's tip, we made the short trip to a nearby town to look at a house for sale. We're still basically at the drive-by level at the moment. The house is in a development planned by the home owner's association. All the landscaping is au natural- native trees and shrubs. The homes are relatively new, most not visible from the street, and on largeish lots for the area. We're waiting for a call now to move forward, but let's just say that it looks promising. One way or another, we're out of here in the end of April. If the house doesn't work out, we rent somewhere else.

B) Employment- With the impending move comes the choice of commuting to the old job or looking for a new one. There aren't so many hospitals around here, so looking isn't too involved. I had tossed around the idea of signing up for a 13 week travel job including housing/stipend. That doesn't look like it's going to pan out unless I'm willing to majorly relocate, which I'm not. (Confession: Got a little snippy with the recruiter who called at 8:20 AM today- says she makes all her calls at that time. I let her know that it's just basically rude to call before nine.) I'm looking forward to the possibility of working somewhere that delivers babies. I'd like to have the option to get into that area at some time.

C) TTC- I continue to use the progesterone cream during the luteal phase. In addition, I just started taking Vitex Agnus Castus aka Chasteberry. It is supposed to have the effect of balancing estrogen and progesterone. That's been shown in studies to relieve PMS and possibly allay menstrual pain. An undocumented claim is that it promotes fertility. The hypothesis is that Vitex also reduces prolactin levels. Hyperprolactinemia is a known culprit in infertility, although little talked about. Basically it prevents implantation. If Vitex lowers the prolactin level to normal, pregnancy may be possible for me. To be frank, that's a tenuous hope, though. We're in cylce 33 this month since I went off BCP's. Statistically, that gives us a pretty low likelihood of success. And I'm pretty okay with that. I decided awhile ago not to be emotionally crippled by infertility or childlessness. Our life is too good for that.

D) Birds- A Great Blue Heron got an awful fright today when I startled a Red-Winged Hawk into flying over it. Great Blue flew off and squawked like a chicken before settling its gangly legs into the mud in a nearby spot. Red Wing sat there as if nothing at all had happened. After all, Great Blue is a bit big for him.

Rose

OILBF- dream journal

Old Italian Leaving BoyFriend showed at my parent's house while I was visiting and acted like he had never quit talking to me with no attempt at an explanation. Somehow, I fell for the ruse that he was a nice guy, although I did tell him that I was married. Then he joined the military and left one night while everyone was asleep. Outside, I found his footprints and a symbol drawn in the dirt that I interpreted as a farewell message.

(I woke up startled and scared that my mind had conjured this image of OILBF, and took awhile to fall back asleep.)

Sronnoc Esor

Stone Pillow- movie review

link

This made for TV movie with a serious Lucille Ball contains moments of truth and purity that give you something to think about. It makes me almost wish that all my stuff fit in a cart. As a bonus, Lucy's performance is impeccable. Well worth the watching.

Rose

Nonplussed- word of the day

"I was nonplussed when I learned that Landlady was asking $380,000 for this house, which the Bank appraised at $225,000; following which she accepted an offer of $250,000." R. Connors


non·plus (nn-pls)
tr.v. non·plused also non·plussed, non·plus·ing also non·plus·sing, non·plus·es also non·plus·ses

To put at a loss as to what to think, say, or do; bewilder.
n. A state of perplexity, confusion, or bewilderment.

[From Latin nn pls, no more : nn, not; see non- + pls, more; see pel-1 in Indo-European roots.]

hm();Sources=Sources 2;
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2003. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Shadow is Nuts

The nuts in this bowl were stale when we got them over a month ago. So I put them in the decorative handmade wooden bowl that we got for Christmas and put it on top of a tall speaker. Shadow has decided that a nut is a wonderful thing to play with. She regularly jumps up on the window sill and roots around until she gets one to pop out on the floor.

Rose

North Country- movie review

link

This film takes a good look at harassment, abuse, and unfair treatment of women in the workplace, the school, and the home. It is based on the life of real woman Lois Jenson and others who refused to submit to such treatment. It causes me to wonder: how often in life do we tolerate inequity because we fear the consequences if we stand up for ourselves? In the characters in the film, I see people I know and have known and a glimpse of myself. There is bigotry, fear, anger, desperation, compassion, but most of all, there is courage.

Rose

Hair

Having had enough of rinsing hair out of the tub and vaccuuming it off the floor, I simply cut it off. It's going to a good cause. I currently have the hairstyle you might expect if you cut off your ponytail: longish in front, short in back; call it a tellum. And my head feels so light.

rc

grandma comfort- dream journal

We went to see Grandma Comfort, who died ten years ago. Her back door was ajar, so we went in. We had heard something bad had happened and thought there had been a fire, but everything was intact. Dahlia Man's dog was locked in an upstairs bedroom. Everyone was acting as if Grandma had just died. People were going through her stuff and taking what they wanted. I stayed upstairs while everyone else congregated down in the living room. I was looking through all the old VHS movies and little trinkets Grandma had collected. She always had odds and ends saved up for presents, and I took some little notepads for my neice, A.E.

As we were getting ready to leave, there was a delivery. It was some kind of fabric, folded up and wrapped in plastic. Mother was already in the car and I took them to ask what it was. She took one look and told me not to worry about it. I realized then that they were chair covers for the funeral. I took them back to the house, where vendors were standing in line to talk to my aunts and uncles. They had decorated the downstairs in all white for the funeral, with white hangings on the walls and covering all the furniture. When Mother saw it she was appalled. The others had to go somewhere, and while they were gone, Mother put everything back the way Grandma used to keep it, with warm marigold tones. When the others came back, they were very upset. Mother explained that Grandma would not have wanted all the decorations and fuss, and they kept it that way.

Sronnoc Esor

Ma Vie en Rose- movie review

link

A Belgian film about a seven year old boy with a gender identity crisis. It is a touching and entertaining look at his struggles and fantasies, as well as his treatment by others. It is truly apropos that, at the end, he meets a girl who is troubled by the same malady.

It is always useful to have your thinking challenged and be reminded that everyone is not the same. This movie accomplished that.

Rose

Varied Thrush

jc called me out of the shower this morning: "I think you should see this bird." Indeed I should. The varied thrush is very elusive, hiding high in the trees in springtime, singing its beautiful song. Dahlia Man told me, when I noticed one in his yard, that they come down from the forest when it gets very cold. That explains it. We got our once-every-ten-years snow last week, and it was down to 17 degrees F.

Rose

manicotti

jc was so pleased with the "manigotts" that he took a picture and insisted that I post it here. So here it is.

Rose

Central Station- movie review

synopsis

This movie robs you of all faith in the goodness of mankind, then, bit by bit, restores it to you. It is a worthwhile foray outside the world of American film-making and the American life that we so take for granted. The roles here are so completely unexpected and foreign, and yet, I fear, very true. The filming is impeccable and non-judgmental, making the story come together in a believable and touching way.

Rose

inviting ourselves over- dream journal

We were hungry and for some unknown reason couldn't cook at home, so we barged in on a kindly neighbor and cooked there. jc did the cooking and did it all wrong, whilst making a huge mess. Neighbor had a Christmas tree up that was too large for the space, so he had cut two pieces off the top and displayed them elsewhere. Then his rather elderly wife showed up with two adorable adopted infants. I had to work hard to restrain myself from offering to take one off her hands. As I was cleaning the dishes, I began to notice that the kitchen counter was listing about ninety degrees, rendering it nearly unuseable. On the way home by boat, someone asked for help with their child who was seizing. He stopped when I got his attention and made him look in my eyes.

Sronnoc Esor

Daily Reading

Mother and Father send us a complimentary subscription to a biweekly conservative religious publication called The Sword of the Lord. When we received the daily Bible reading guide and calendar in the end of January, I decided to read through once with a more open mindset. jc agreed to participate in the experiment. We've just now finished the book of Genesis. To tell the truth, I had forgotten that there were so many racy stories in there. So far we've read about Adam, Noah, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and Joseph; oh and don't forget Eve, Sarah, Rebekah, Tamar and Dinah.

rc

a few photos

naptime for the kitties- Shadow snuggles under the covers


snowy hot spring at McCreadie Station

Rose

Gone to the Mountains

We've been in the mountains for a few days, and I've been pretty lazy about writing. It snowed while we were there and left everything looking like fairyland. We found a natural hot spring and soaked one day while it was raining. That was a convenient time for a Korean language lesson.

We had a lot of great food; Ki'il and the Scholar like to eat. I discovered that corn bread bakes just fine in the microwave and that my white bean and tofu soup tastes much better when you don't forget the chicken broth.

Nordic skiing turned out to be easier than I expected. We enjoyed skiing one evening under the full moon. It also makes you really hot. I was wearing way too many clothes here and left most of that stuff at the hotel for future outings.

It's good to be back home. I got in three nights at work, which adds up to almost as much work as I had in the whole month of December. The kitties were glad to see us, too.

Rose

Staying Warm

Laundry isn't out of the dryer half a minute around here before there is at least one kitty nestled into it as seen above. That's just plain good sense when the heater doesn't work any better than ours does.

We're headed to the mountains tomorrow for a cross country or Nordic skiing adventure with Ki'il and the Scholar for a few days and I better crawl in somewhere warm and snooze awhile before our early start in the AM.

Rose

Year of the Pig (almost)

We welcomed the New Year last night with friends Ki'il and the Scholar. I made stromboli, then we went to the beach and built a bonfire. There was a huge driftwood log fifty or sixty feet long, and the Scholar built the fire in the corner created by a broken off branch. We roasted marshmallows and talked. The moonlight glinted silverly off the crashing white surf. The lighthouse spread its intermittent beam. Sporadic fireworks shot up. We were alone on the beach. Just at the stroke of midnight, we looked up to see the full moon surrounded by a rainbow. I discovered that this phenomenon is known as a corona. It wasn't as full last night as the picture, but I take it as an excellent omen for the year to come.

Cheers,

Rose

Beware Strange Men.

As I was sitting idly on the sofa wondering what to blog about today, I chanced to glance out the window and spy a mustachioed stranger on the porch. No sooner did I notice him than he knocked on the window. I recognized him as the neighbor who had been fixing his car as I went to the post office this morning and tried to engage me in conversation about holiday fare. Looking back at the computer, I calmly informed jc that there was a man at the window. We had just this morning discovered that it is possible to communicate through the windows, owing to their thinness.

The man spoke: "Is that my cat?" He pointed to my lovely Ailleanach, nervously skittering away.

jc replied, "I don't think so."

A short conversation ensued about the various tabbies in the neighborhood before the intruder scuttled off. I repressed the urge to vomit and instructed Ailleanach to bare her fangs threateningly should the situation recur.

A note on our living situation: jc is currently engaged in a diligent perusal of all available real estate. Landlady's appraisal came back too low & the deal will probably fall through. We're still getting out of here as soon as possible.

Rose

A big thank you to all my loyal readers who offered their sympathies.

rc

Remembrance

I learned today of Granny's death after a long illness. She was 89 years old. In the past five years or so, because of bad osteoporosis, she broke her hip, collarbone, pelvis, and some vertebrae. All but the last time she returned home to the farm after a stay in rehab. This time she had to go to a nursing home. In the last weeks, she became progressively, drastically worse, so that at time she no longer recognized family members. In her last letter to me, just weeks ago, she sorrowed that she could no longer walk without help.

I have been anticipating this for some time, and am grateful that she has been loosed from the trouble that plagued her in the last years. I am pleased to know that she died in her sleep, with adequate pain control, and family by her side.

I remember her life.

Granny was born in a very small, rural town in 1917. In the 1930's she took the train some ten miles to go to high school, then continued on to college to earn a degree in higher mathematics. She went on to earn her master's degree in the 1960's. She taught upper math at the local high school, by this time, much closer to home, until retirement. Everyone in the school district remembers her as a tough math teacher and as a woman whose hair was snow white in her thirties. She used to sit in the living room and work calculus the way most people do the crossword puzzle.

As if a teaching career weren't enough, Grandma raised five children and worked on the farm. There were no TV dinners then, either. She shamed me throughout her life by her industry. I would bet that she was still mowing the grass in her eighties and only stopped then because the family made a pointed effort to mow it before she could get to it.

She made delicious candy at Christmastime and peanut butter eggs for Easter. There are many dishes that she is known for making best. Anytime we visited near mealtime, she insisted on cooking "a little something." I'm not sure if we ever had a meal there that didn't include dessert.

At times, I was afraid to open my mouth around her for fear of saying something stupid. She stayed informed of current events, and had a certain knack for knowing what things really meant.

By my best count, she is survived by her five children, twelve grandchildren, and ten or eleven great grandchildren.

Rose

sad holiday for some

I am deeply saddened and appaled by this news story reporting the death of James Emerick Dean, 28 years old, at the hands of the police. The poor guy's crime was that he didn't want to go to Iraq, having already served 18 months in Afghanistan.

I know there are lots of angles to this: volunteer army, mental illness, taking pot shots at the police surrounding his house. Nonetheless, he is another casulaty of the war in Iraq. jc remembers a boy from his hometown who shot himself rather than going to Vietnam.

When will this end?

rc

dump- dream journal

We were living in what looked like a dump. I felt that we really needed to get the place cleaned up, so we started picking everything flammable out of the rubbish and built a big bonfire. It turned out that Mother and Father were staying nearby and their place didn't look any better. Then I realized that jc had forgotten to put the trash out two weeks running. I scolded him for it and he got very upset. It was near midnight, and I was preparing a chicken to roast over the open fire.

Sronnoc Esor

(Upon waking, I ventured down to the garage to make sure the trash was out. Of course it was.)

Christmas is over

I actually removed all the decorations from the tree yesterday. I took the lights off today, drug it out the door on a sheet, and threw it out for the garbage man to pick up tomorrow. It was enjoyed by all, especially the kitties.


Here's the surprise gift-that-I-didn't-want of the year from my step-mother-in-law. It's a Lenox China Jewels Musicals Winter Wonderland music box. Think we can sell it on eBay?








And this is our gift to ourselves. It's a Kitchen Aid ice cream maker bowl. And we got it for a steal.










Otherwise, we had a beautiful, peaceful Christmas; as I hope everyone else did.

Rose

The 39 steps- movie review

link

Here's a classic framed-for-murder-noone-believes-me yarn from Hitchcock. The hero is unwittingly drawn into international intrigue and politics, but in the end he cleverly solves the puzzle and, in the process, wins the girl. I enjoyed the points of clever cinematography like overlapping the train whistle with the charwoman's grisly scream. Thanks to jc for renting this one and furthering my cinematographic education.

rc

Whitman's sampler

Dahlia Man scored big with me by giving a Whitman's chocolate sampler that includes exactly zero creams. I despise creams. Before I discovered this fact, I offered jc the creams. Since there are none I reneged on my offer, telling jc to leave my chocolates alone. Yes, this year I plan to be a little piggie and eat the whole box myself. (Since I ovulated today, booze are out as a way of celebrating.) I'll worry about those five extra pounds around my hips later.

Rose

early Christmas photo blog

The dying Douglas fir tree.



Shadow, who is trying to pull it down.
(here seen sniffing people food)



Peanut brittle that I made as gifts for friends.



Korean art coasters: a gift from Ki'il and the Scholar.



Hearts's Desire paperweight: a gift from a coworker.
(She says to write what you want on a piece of paper, put it under the weight as a kind of charm. I'm giving up hope that I will ever get what I really want, but it was a nice thought.)




Bath stuff from Robin. Thanks bunches. Sorry I opened it early.

Rose

The Princess and the Warrior- movie review

link

(originally Der Krieger und die Kaiserin)

The beautiful and detailed filming of this movie immediately captured my attention. The visuals were a pleasure to watch.

The film weaves a tangled story that could result in a lovely weaving or a tangled mess. The lives of the main characters seem so inextricably intertwined that the story couldn't come out any other way. There is nothing transcendent here; on the contrary, any hope that the story offers is purely and deeply human. It leaves me asking,

Do we make our own destiny, or has it already been chosen for us?

rc

Lucky # Slevin- movie review

link

Although it is a bit more violent than I normally prefer, I thorougly enjoyed this one. There is definitely something to figure out & kudos to you if you do. Each subsequent plot twist was a new "aha" moment. If there were gaps or contradictions, I didn't notice them. With an all star cast including favorites Ben Kingsley and Morgan Freeman, the movie was worth watching just for the nice acting in it.

The sets were unreal. Quirky wallpaper and matching clothing just added immense visual appeal to the film. The wrap up at the end, where you find out what really happened, is done cleverly.

I don't want to ruin anything for you; if you don't mind a few killings, go out and get this one.

RC

Another View- book review

My most recent read for book club was Another View by Rosamunde Pilcher, New York Times bestselling novelist. Those who recommended the author said it was light reading, and indeed it was. Unfortunately, I was unable to invest myself in the story or the characters. The story was harmless enough, but a week female main character seemed to need men to make her decisions for her, and none of the characters really took human shape for me. I cannot recommend the novel and will be happy to move on to another author.

RC

Christmas baking

I've been talking about it for days and now I finally did it. I started. Little green Christmas tree sugar cookies are now happily waiting in the freezer. Gingerbread cookie dough is chilling in the frig, waiting to turn into little G-bread boys tomorrow.

Landlady came for the appraisal today. Actually landlady, her husband, and the appraiser all came. I was fortunately on the telephone with Robin at the time, so had a good enough excuse to ignore the intrusion nearly completely.

We watched two movies which I won't even bother giving separate space for reviews.

Garden State was an okay movie with a decent ending, but I feel that it lacked depth.

The Libertine was about a guy that was just way too fixated on sex. The portrayal of women in general was abyssmal. One character, the actress Elizabeth Barry, was worth noting because she stood up for her right to live her life her own way no matter what anyone thought. However, I couldn't even watch the thing straight through. I'm sure I missed some stuff as I was doing other things at the same time.

Now I'm off to put clean sheets on the bed: a wonderful everyday luxury.

rc

syncretic- word of the day

syncretic \sin-KRET-ik; sing-\, adjective:Uniting and blending together different systems, as of philosophy, morals, or religion.

Trinidad Carnival is a syncretic popular form, drawing on
Christian tradition and pagan ritual, fused in the vortex of plantation
society.-- Stuart Hall, "Calypso kings", The Guardian, June 28,
2002

In Cuba, the dominant religion is Santeria, a syncretic
mix of Roman Catholicism and Yoruba deities.-- Steve Fainaru and Ray Sanchez,
"Free agent", Boston Globe
Magazine, July 15, 2003

Compared to the syncretic, polytheistic empires of the
past, the 'doctrinal rigidity' of Judaic monotheism could be a source of both
solidarity and division.-- Dominic Lieven, Empire:
The Russian Empire and Its Rivals

In the hands of the gay right, the same individualism can produce a syncretic politics that draws from across the political
spectrum.-- Richard Goldstein, "Queering the pitch", The Guardian, May 15,
2002

Indonesia is known for its moderate, syncretic, inclusive
brand of Islam. People see no difficulty in worshipping Allah and sea spirits.--
Jason Burke, "Paradise lost", The
Observer, December 22, 2002

Syncretic is the adjective form of syncretism, from Greek synkretismos, "federation of Cretan cities," from sunkretizein, "to unite against a common enemy, in the manner of the Cretan cities," from syn-, "with, together" + Kres, Kret-, "Cretan."

Crash- movie review

link

This movie is completely full of such multi-layered prejudice. It takes the "right" away from any race and muddies the water completely. Does anything happen because of race? It makes me wonder if there really are good people and bad people, or if everything is just some strange happenstance.

It is also completely unexpected and, in places, gut-wrenchingly moving. I think, whether correct in its depictions or not, this is one movie that will keep me thinking for a while.

Rose

eWater House- .dream journal

jc and I were taking Dahlia Man's dogs for a walk. We had borrowed a truck from someone. We saw a beautiful house on the hill overlooking a waterfall and a pool of water and we went over there to look inside. It was still under construction and it turned out Landlady was building it. After we had explored for a while, Landlady came in. She was having people over for dinner. I started to ask her what she was doing there when I realized it was her house. I started to leave. jc was waiting outside on a raft in the truck. When he started to pull out the truck turned over on its side. One of the dogs was already in the truck and jc went to get the other one. The truck had somehow righted itself. I went back in the house because I had forgotten my shoes. I spilled chocolate milk on landlady's carpet. When I went back outside, we were parked in the garage and two trucks had us parked in.

Sronnoc Esor

Not a Fairy Tale Ending

I'm terribly sad that James Kim's body was found today.

I can't image what Kati is experiencing now. My thoughts are with her and the girls.

Rose

Lost- a true story

Kati Kim and daughters found

I'm strangely touched by the story of this San Francisco family. They were traveling in Oregon over a week ago when they got stuck in snow on a back road. Maybe it's because it sounds so much like something I would do. Matter of fact, it's very like something I did once. I got the car stuck in sand in the middle of the Utah desert, only noone knew where I had gone. I hiked to the nearest town for help, eventually leaving the narrow dirt road when I didn't like the direction it was going. It worked out for me. I caught a ride to my friend's house and they went and pulled my car out. That was the time I learned that putting a pebble in your mouth really does help you not to feel so thirsty.

These people were basically trying to go somewhere that there just wasn't a road. I get a little nervous in mid-summer if I'm on those roads after dark. The stretch of I-5 they had to drive on recommends tire chains if there's a chance of snow. Leaving that for BLM roads sounds a little foolhardy to me. I wonder about the human interaction in this story. Was it a joint decision to take this route, or did Mrs. Kim get understandably upset when they got stuck on a road she never wanted to take in the first place? If it had been us, it would have been jc getting upset because I got stuck.

I love it that Mom and the girls were found. I hate it that Dad went looking for help and...? His footprints indicate that he left the road. I can't figure out why he would do that, but I hope that he is found, however unlikely that may seem. My thoughts go out to the Kims.

Rose

Boss Lady- dream journal

Boss Lady was reaming me out at work for a variety of things, and I didn't take any guff from her. I had an answer for everything. Then we didn't have the right forms. Everyone was using other forms, writing in pencil, and erasing, a big no-no for medical records. All the erasing was shaking the table and I couldn't write clearly.

Then I was in some kind of surreal ceremony, probably church. At the end of the service, some lady claimed I was an angel and wanted me to come up on stage while the reverend went on about angels. I kept slipping off the stage, so I just sat in a chair in the front. Then the reverend starting asking me about oysters. I told him I ate a lot of oysters and he wanted to know how I prepared them.

At some point in the sequence, the congregation turned around and started attacking me. I helped a little girl escape by putting on a disguise and swimming away.

Sronnoc Esor

Roomies- dream journal

I was back in college, living in the dorms at BJU, and XBFRN was my roommate. I was jealous because he was inviting some girl from down the hall over to cook dinner for her. Then there was some kind of huge mess with M&M's all over the floor and I was worried that the hall monitor would find out a boy was living in the girl's dorms and we would all be in big trouble.

Sronnoc Esor

Ode to Elusive Peace and Quiet

We got the letter from our old landlord yesterday. He won't return our deposit and wants additional money. Apparently we wrecked the place so badly that he had to replace all the flooring. Cheap linoleum tile (over flakeboard over a damp crawl space) that kept coming up and crumbling. Carpets god knows how old that never got clean no matter how much I vaccuumed. On top of that he wants us to pay for repairs to the twenty year old dryer. jc wants to take him to small claims court to get our money back. I just want a place to live where no one can bother me.

We still don't know whether we can break a lease and therefore buy a house. First the landlady was offering us money to get out ASAP. Now, I wonder if her sale has gone through, since she's back to telling us we can stay out the lease. It makes me wonder if her sale has gone through. As someone at work wisely pointed out, the potential buyer hasn't been through the house again. Who would buy a home without seeing it at least twice? I just want a place to live where no one can bother me.

rose

Too Small?

Introducing: a handset for your cell phone. Because cell phones have gotten so small you get a hand cramp if you talk on one for any length of time. And everyone is on them all the time. That's technology, folks.

$22.00

Fred Retro Handset for Cell Phones
Retro receiver that connects to a cell phone.
Works with most phones and includes adaptors.
Item is 2.5''x 8''.
Cord is approx 19'' long.
Quantity
AvailabilityAvailable to Ship
Available now on People.com

Odds and Ends

1. Begin Cycle 32

2. Crazy landlady- says we can stay through May now

3. Looking for a Christmas tree- easier than house hunting

What have I been Doing?

listings
drive-bys
showings
realtor
interest rates
downpayments
mortgages
compromise

rc

Hill Towns- book review

Anne Rivers Siddons- Hill Towns

As soon as I began this book about a little girl who was afraid to leave the Mountain, even though it held such dark memories for her, I was enveloped in it. The story held sway over my mood and emotions. At times I raged at Cat for the choices she was making, but I never doubted that it is what she would do.

But more than that, I was with Cat as she faced a journey that was at once unbelievable and completely credible. Her journey took her so far outside her comfort zone that she could never possibly return and left her unalterably changed. It is a psychic journey that I can identify with, that I compare to the road that I am travelling.

The book didn't tell where Cat's journey ended any more than it told me where mine will end. It is fitting that it ends in uncertainty, as there really is no end.

RC

Where to Live- dream journal

jc and I had moved cross country and were looking for a place to live. We finally found a small one room apartment in a shopping mall. It was right next to a fast food restaurant. I was going all around the mall on roller skates. It turned out there was some kind of convention there. After the convention, we left. Before we left, a lady showed me all the accomodations at the other end of the mall. There were cabins and camping spots and many people had stayed there. Next I was on the bus with two classmates from high school. For a change they were being nice to me. Suddenly they decided they needed the bus for something else and hijacked it. We went careening wildly around curves on a country road.

Sronnoc Esor

Snoring

I'm of the opinion that you should claim responsibility for your actions, even if you can't control them. jc doesn't usually snore, but when he does and I say, "I can't sleep, you're snoring too loud.", he replies with offended tone, "I can't help it. Put your earplugs in." Well last night I was on call and had to be able to hear the phone, so I resorted to sleeping on the sofa. Snoring Beauty isn't even up yet and probably won't even realize I slept on the sofa to be properly remorseful. If I remind him of it, then I'm just a bitch. Why does his snoring always manage to make me look bad?

Well, this is quite a rant and I forgive you for skipping it. I feel better with that off my chest.

Rose

Response to Twisty from XBFRN

Author definitely has some daddy issues. I keep waiting for my silver spoon to arrive since I am after all a white male, but apparently the 1/8 of me that is Native American precludes me from dominance. I figured that the thanksgiving in the beginning was probably more of a robbery then a party, but who knows. I think that the author is right, but in her efforts to get back at the huge christian tradition has skewed things to the point of militant lesbian atheism (my term it will be in my book i believe).

The thing about america is that we are guilty. The Romans conquered the whole planet as far as they knew and never apologized, same with the Greeks, the Inca, the Aztecs, the Huns, the Ottoman-Turks, ad nauseum. Humans love to dominate each other, and civilization does the same; this is not limited to the whites.

In 100 years when another race, be it Hispanic or Chinese, takes over, will they say, "oh we conquered you here is a job and welfare, but we still think you're inferior, but this helps us feel better about it."? War is violent, as are humans in general.

Seeing my heritage, I hate the whites, the Huns, the Irish, the British, the Sioux, the Mexicans, the Canadians, the Romans, the Amish, the Lutherans, the Wasps, industry, and a few others; since at some point they have all done something to someone in my lineage that was morally inexcuseable. In an effort to consolidate my energies, I am declaring war on anyone who makes more then 4 million a year; they after all are above law and national borders. When was the last time Murdoch got a speeding ticket? The true powers lie in finance, not race; as long as we battle each other for the crumbs the guy holding the bread is safe. That's my soapbox today; dont forget to vote for me in 2016.

Mission Impossible 3: movie review

link

There isn't much to say about this. It is incredibly long at 126 minutes, and I found it to be quite boring. I think I could have turned it off at any time with no problem. If you like special effects and firefights, maybe you would like it. There is an interesting plot twist where you're not sure who the bad guys are for a while. There is a nice human element involving Ethan Hunt's desire for a normal personal life. Oh, and the part where the girl they rescue dies because the defibillator takes 30 seconds to charge up. I had a hard time with that one when they have all the latest toys. To end my rambling, I'll just say, Tom Cruise is old news.

RC

Journeys-dream journal

Lately, my dreams have been troubled and I have awakened with the vague sense that I did everything wrong without remembering what really happened. Last night, they were pretty well back to normal.

I was walking on some back roads with Father and it started to get dark, so we were hurrying home. I told him that I had gotten a new job at the college as a counselor. He wanted to know if I had called the number he gave me. I told him, I tried a few times, but there was no answer. Then we got on a bus. Mr. Clean and Robin were there too. We were going to a parade in celebration of something. Robin and I fell behind and had to run to catch up. There was a whole line of animals in cages, and the guy running the thing had a miniature dachshund the size of a hot dog in a plastic trash can. It kept jumping out and running away.

I was walking up a dirt road to see someone. There was a stream running by the road and a little boy was playing in it. I broke his toy by accident. Then I watched from a distance before deciding to turn around and go back. I slid down some of the hills on my belly like an otter. There was a town meeting and the mother of some friends of Robin was there.

Sronnoc Esor

Hop on over and read this

While I fully intend to satiate myself with Thanksgiving turkey and I even made a list of things I'm thankful for, I usually get a big kick out of Twisty's essays and this one is no exception.

http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/

Here's an excerpt to whet your interest:

Horribly, Thanksgiving’s repellent foodly intemperance is nearly always
presented at some weird, un-dinner-like hour of the afternoon, then it’s back to
the TV for the patriarchs, and back to the scullery for the womenfolk, where
they scour off the carbonized substrate of the sugary sweet potato-marshmallow
pie, wrap in foil the remains of the enhormoned, tortured Butterball, tuck into
Tupperware the green been casserole made with Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup
and French’s Fried Onions, and chuck out the untouched can-shaped cylinder of
Ocean Spray “cranberry sauce” that nobody understands, eats, or can live
without. Afterward, everybody either falls comatose or writhes, suffering
varying degrees of physical and emotional distress, on such seating — usually a
small needlepoint footstool or one of the dining room chairs — as has not been
previously commandeered by the football-watching males.

Rose

Evicted

As we sat eating our nice, civilized dinner and sipping wine Sunday, the landlady came on the answering machine to tell us that we need to get out because she's sold the place. That's a provision of the lease. No date set in stone yet, we have 2-3 months.

This got me thinking that landlords around here are really awful and we should buy a house. So today, I talked to the loan officer, talked to the real estate agent, and looked through listings some more.

On the hunt for somewhere to live again.

RC

Signing- dream journal

The only thing I remember from last night is signing my name with my maiden name which always felt awkward and stilted for me and I had to repeat for people. Two nights ago I dreamed that we visited Granny the day of my dinner party and she served the menu I had planned. My dreams have been unusually wrapped up in worry, and thus I haven't even tried to remember them.

Sronnoc Esor

Speaking but still Thoughtful

Suppose a man receives a letter from his father in law containing these (among many other) words:

After I had invested twenty-some years of my life in her, thousands of
prayers, and thousands and thousands of dollars, I did not want some man thinking
that she was a cheap sexual object to take advantage of.

Is the man's wife wrong to believe that her father sees her as nothing but voiceless, thoughtless, choiceless Property? An investment. Is she wrong to wonder if any supposed relationship with her father has been a meaningless charade?

The letter goes on to encourage the man to be a spiritual leader in the household and make sure his wife goes to church and reads the Bible.

So the man's wife is reduced to a caged animal who cannot decide when to have sex, what to read, or where to go.

The man's wife is very upset with the man's father in law.

RC

Enforced Thoughtfulness

I've lost my voice. It's been more or less gone for almost two days now. At work, the first night it was gone, a coworker commented that it made hime think about the value of saying less. Another coworker missed my chattiness. It makes me feel a little like a different person, miming and writing, and saving that for important communication. But here on my blog, I'm the same with or without my voice.

I'm busy cooking up a storm for company tonight. Sometimes I like spending the day in the kitchen.

RC

Plumbing

The first time I took a shower in the new house I couldn't help but notice that the shower hits me somewhere in the region of the neck. I have a decided aversion to water in my face and you have to be a contortionist to get the spray to hit the top of your head. So I got a handheld sprayer. The supporting apparatus gives it eight inches or so, making it just fine. The only problem is, the new shower head uses more water and now there's four or five inches of water accumulated in the tub by the time you finish showering. So I dumped the drain cleaner down the thing with no result and let my landlady know that it wasn't draining well.

When the plumbers showed up this morning, it turned out the trap was too short to snake it and the sink drains into the tub drain, or something like that. They had to cut the pipe to fix it, the tub is a mess, the landlady is frantic because she's showing the house tonight. Oh, and "you're using fiberglass cleaner on that, right?"

RC

Putative- word of the day

putative \PYOO-tuh-tiv\, adjective:
Commonly thought or deemed; supposed; reputed.

Certainly, to have even a putative ancestor commemorated
by Shakespeare is something about which to boast.-- Frances Spalding, Duncan
Grant: A Biography

A report has found that the putative evidence for the
paper that started the controversy was fabricated.-- Margot O'Toole, "The
Whistle-Blower and the Train Wreck", New York
Times, April 12, 1991

Putative comes from Late Latin putativus, from Latin putare, "to cleanse, to prune, to clear up, to consider, to reckon, to think." It is related to compute, "to calculate" (from com-, intensive prefix + putare); dispute, "to contend in argument" (from dis-, "apart" + putare); and reputation, "the estimation in which one is held" (from reputatio, from the past participle of reputare, "to think over," from re-, "again" + putare).

another meme from ScienceWoman

1. Yourself: nurse
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend: jc
3. Your hair: red
4. Your mother: caring
5. Your father: controlling
6. Your favorite item: my piano
7. Your dream last night: ?
8. Your favorite drink: chocolate milk
9. Your dream car: 4WD station wagon
10. The room you are in: filtered natural light
11. Your ex: my friend
12. Your fear: infertility
13. What you want to be in 10 years: a mother
14. Who you hung out with last night: jc
15. What you're not: energetic
16. Muffins: chocolate chocolate chip
17: One of your wish list items: kitchen island
18: Time: 10:17
19. The last thing you did: woke up
20. What you are wearing: nightgown
21. Your favorite weather: warm autumn days
22. Your favorite book: the dictionary?
23. The last thing you ate: swedish meatballs
24. Your life: happy
25. Your mood: hopeful
26. Your best friend (s): jc
27. What are you thinking about right now: food
28. Your car: Infiniti M45
29. What are you doing at the moment: obviously...
30. Your summer: relaxing
31. Your relationship status: contented
32. What is on your tv: cat toys
33. What is the weather like: windy
34. When is the last time you laughed: yesterday

re: RE

This morning I don't think I'll do it at all. Maybe my FNP can run the basic tests for lupus anticoagulant. I don't think I'm emotionally capable of going on that whole infertility ride. Dahlia Man always says, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." It seems that it is the thought of changing the status quo that makes me unhappy. If so, then I'll just keep it the same.

RC

Bees- dream journal

I was visiting BJU. Someone dropped me off at the curb with all my stuff. My old roommates drove by and stopped to pick me up. Instead of taking me to the dorm though, they just kept driving around in circles. I jumped out and went into the Amphitorium since it was time for chapel. I sat in a pretty empty section of the balcony near Mark Ort, the guy my good friend married. I had to turn sideways to fit down the aisle. I said, "I guess I've put on some weight since college." Halfway through the service, most of the students got up and ran out the exit doors in a panic. Dr. Bob was yelling at them to stop. I was looking around to see what was wrong, but I couldn't see anything. Then one girl stopped running down the aisle to swat at a huge bee. After that I noticed bees all around me, but they weren't hurting me. I saw some guy who was releasing bees and taunting me to run away.

Sronnoc Esor

Looking for Help

I like to have all the answers.

I like to know ahead of time what the options are.

I like to be in control.

I dislike doctors.

I've spent most of yesterday and today trying to find a doctor to help us get pregnant. Trouble is, I don't even know who I should see first. The American College of OB/GYN only lists four reproductive endocrinolgists (REs) in the state of Oregon. But then, when I visit their websites, they all talk about IVF as the first treatment option.

I don't want IVF.

Or at least I don't think I do.

Should I just be going to a plain old OB/GYN to start out with? What are they going to want to do?

jc had good sperm counts when they were tested ten years ago. I don't think he wants to do it again. Does he need to? What are the factors that would make it different?

I didn't have endometriosis when I had my exploratory laparoscopy ~five years ago. When the doctor hears that I still have chronic pelvic pain, are they going to want to do another one? I don't want one.

What is this going to cost? (addendum: I just read that basic testing runs $4,000- $11,000; my insurance doesn't cover a dime.)

What is the chance of finding a treatment that A) I'll agree to and B)will work?

I was doing pretty well emotionally with the idea of continuing to try on our own for a while and adopting if it didn't work. Now, I am seduced by the idea that if there is an easy fix, it would be stupid not to find out about it. This is more of an emotional struggle.

They're almost certainly going to want me to start doing basal body temperature charting (BBTs) again. I hate temping, but I'll probably start next cycle so I have some stats to show the doc when I see him.

I guess I need to call my FNP and ask her for a referral.

This is too concrete. I want to cry. I want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. I want to drink myself into oblivion, smoke a pack of cigarettes; heck, get really high, until I forget all about TTC.

My life is way too good to drag myself down by thinking about this too much. I love my jc. I love the kitties. I love my work. I love this Oregon and the delightful bay where we live.

Why must I want this one thing that I can't have? I wish I could just turn it off and forget about it. I don't want the label fertile or infertile or sub-fertile or anything else they're going to call me. I'm afraid this quest is only going to land me with the label crazy.

rc

Yard Birds

I hung the feeders in the new backyard this week and was almost immediately rewarded by the folowing common yard birds.



White-crowned Sparrow

(a whole family)

Song Sparrow

Dark-eyed Junco

House Sparrow
(the bird of sidewalk cafes everywhere)

Fox Sparrow

American Crow

(they fly off with whole apples)

Steller's Jay

(noisy and piggish, but beautiful)

(photos obviously not mine from Kaufman Focus Guides Birds of North America)

Rose

Blackout

The lights flickered last night in the middle of putting together my fake leather red retro chair. As I sat at my laptop contemplating the purchase of an artificial christmas tree, the lights went out. I lit all the candles in the dining room before coming up with the idea to drive to a nearby town and get mcdonald's or something. About half a mile onto the highway, we encountered many tail lights at a standstill. We turned around and went home, read by candlelight, and went to sleep early.

Small town life.

Rose

a Note on Nomenclature

j. has informed me that he would rather be referred to on the blog as jc.

Noted and Done.

Rose

More Views out the Window

Looking Out

Looking In

Trying to Come In

Lookalike On the Fence

photo credits to j.

crusty bread

This is the loaf that I prepared and j. baked as I slept this morning. I have despaired of making light, crusty bread, but this is the golden ticket. It's a little messy to make, but the result is amazing. Here's the recipe.

Rose

Recipe: No-Knead Bread

Adapted from Jim Lahey, Sullivan Street BakeryTime: About 1½ hours plus 14 to 20 hours' rising

3 cups all-purpose or bread flour, more for dusting

¼ teaspoon instant yeast

1¼ teaspoons salt

Cornmeal or wheat bran as needed.

1. In a large bowl combine flour, yeast and salt. Add 1 5/8 cups water, and stir until blended; dough will be shaggy and sticky. Cover bowl with plastic wrap. Let dough rest at least 12 hours, preferably about 18, at warm room temperature, about 70 degrees.

2. Dough is ready when its surface is dotted with bubbles. Lightly flour a work surface and place dough on it; sprinkle it with a little more flour and fold it over on itself once or twice. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let rest about 15 minutes.

3. Using just enough flour to keep dough from sticking to work surface or to your fingers, gently and quickly shape dough into a ball. Generously coat a cotton towel (not terry cloth) with flour, wheat bran or cornmeal; put dough seam side down on towel and dust with more flour, bran or cornmeal. Cover with another cotton towel and let rise for about 2 hours. When it is ready, dough will be more than double in size and will not readily spring back when poked with a finger.
4. At least a half-hour before dough is ready, heat oven to 450 degrees. Put a 6- to 8-quart heavy covered pot (cast iron, enamel, Pyrex or ceramic) in oven as it heats. When dough is ready, carefully remove pot from oven. Slide your hand under towel and turn dough over into pot, seam side up; it may look like a mess, but that is O.K. Shake pan once or twice if dough is unevenly distributed; it will straighten out as it bakes. Cover with lid and bake 30 minutes, then remove lid and bake another 15 to 30 minutes, until loaf is beautifully browned. Cool on a rack.

Yield: One 1½-pound loaf.

Last of the Breed

I'm pretty pathetic when it comes to correspondence. You wouldn't know it from my blabbering on this blog, but I have a hard time keeping in touch with people. I've lost touch with all my college friends from BJU, the first time around. Of course, that was before e-mail. I thought those were good friends, but then again, they're all holy rollers and I wonder what I would still have in common with them anyway.

I've kept one important friend from Penn State: XBFRN. I talked to him today, and it often makes me sort of melancholy thinking about the good times we had together back then. I guess the fact that the good was so near to the bad made it that much better.

Tonight, I'm pouring wine and thinking of you.

Rose

congeries- word of the day

congeries \KON-juh-reez\, noun:A collection; an aggregation.

As the great French historian Fernand Braudel pointed out in his last major
work, The Identity of France (1986), it was the railroad that made France into
one nation and one culture. It had previously been a congeries
of self-contained regions, held together only politically.-- Peter F. Drucker,
"Beyond the Information Revolution", Atlantic Monthly, October 1999

William Rothenstein described the Academie as a "congeries
of studios crowded with students, the walls thick with palette scrapings, hot,
airless and extremely noisy."-- Jeffrey Meyers, Bogart:
A Life in Hollywood

More important, he doesn't tell us that the Kennedy Administration was a
very uneasy congeries of vastly differing types of Democrats
with conflicting foreign-policy agendas.-- James C. Thomson Jr., "Whose Side
Were They On?" review of Friends and Enemies: The United States, China, and the
Soviet Union, 1948-1972, by Gordon H. Chang, New York Times, July 29, 1990

Congeries is from Latin congeries, "a heap, a mass," from congerere, "to carry together, to bring together, to collect," from com-, "with, together" + gerere, "to carry." It is related to congest, "to overfill or overcrowd," which derives from the past participle of congerere.

back home again

We're happily home again after a great getaway. We're reminded every time we leave that a few days is more than enough time away for us.

We drove to Portland, arriving Sunday afternoon. As soon as we left the coast, we were confronted with the changing leaves. The beautiful bright yellows contrasted warmly with the dark green of the firs. I never did get wi-fi in the hotel, they blamed it on the weather, or I would have written sooner.

The plan was to go out Sunday evening for some micro-brews. We walked around the mall and got some delicious Indian chicken tandoori. Unfortuately, after riding the train and streetcar around and walking in the rain, we never did find anywhere we were looking for. j. started getting crabby about our purposeless wandering, and we went back to the hotel with a six-pack to eat the sushi we had in the mini-frig.

Monday, I got up early for the nursing meeting. It was well-0rganized and professionally run, and the speakers were well-spoken experts who had something to say and were worth listening to. I came away with some new information and good reminders about old stuff. Of course, there is always plenty of food at those shindigs. I was appalled by the way many of my colleagues were dressed for such a thing. I saw lots of jeans and sweatshirts and very few who looked professional. What can you expect of people who wear pajamas to work, huh?

In the afternoon, we decided to take a second stab at going out drinking. We went to McCormick and Schmick's for an early dinner. I had Tombi Tuna, served rare on a bed of rice with wasabi sauce and greens and topped with pickled ginger. The whiskey sour on the side had me approaching very silly well before dessert was offered. For dessert I had the chocolate hazelnut pie, served warm with vanilla ice cream and an Irish coffee. Being well on the way to drunkenness, we went to Powell's City of Books, a block large, four-story bookstore in the Pearl District. I bought the Tao Te Ching, a lovely illustrated copy.

On the way home, we stopped in a bar where I had the experience for the first time of being refused service on account of my youthful appearance. j. reminded me that I should hang my ID around my neck for such occasions. We went back to the hotel and had a beer and hot wings in the rooftop bar.

Tuesday morning we went to the Portland Art Museum for the Egypt exhibit. The huge stone sarcophagus lid sat in the lobby. I loved the smooth, onyx-colored Isis and Osiris statues. There were funereal finger cots, masks and gold sandals as well as jewelry, a pyramidion and other cool stuff. The museum's Asian display is impressive with Buddhas, Bodhisattvas and the six-armed woman as well as lovely woodblocks and paintings. The Northwestern Native American art consisted of intricate baskets woven from up to four different grasses, painstaking beadwork and traditional costumes. My favorite was the Raven Steals the Sun costume. (Click the link for the amazing story, or watch Northern Exposure season 3 episode 10.)

We went to Silk by Pho Van for lunch. I had vegetarian spring rolls, lotus tea, and noodles and shrimp. It was a great reminder of the food Hien Nguyen used to make me eat back when I worked homecare and took care of her. If you haven't had Vietnamese food, head out to your local Vietnamese restaurant posthaste and order something with lemongrass in the name.

On the way home we stopped at another mall, and I came home with a new bedside table, shower caddy, over the door hooks, and other such things. Now, we're back on a diet and a budget. This move and vacation thing has near bankrupted us. Also time to get back to doing yoga. I've been slacking and my body is complaining.

Anyone who made it this far in this post gets The Booby Prize as congratulations.

Rose

big trip tomorrow

I've been feeling poorly. I'm afraid I'm getting the flu that plauged j. for days and is still troubling him some. I called in sick tonight after a rough time last night. Our plan is to breakfast with Dahlia Man in the AM and then dash off to Portland. (Note to self: make sure none of the thorofares are blocked by mudslides.) We get half a free day Sunday, I got to a class on Monday, and Tuesday we go to the Portland Art Museum for The Quest for Immortality: Treasures of Ancient Egypt. If we're still having a good time, we'll stay Tuesday night and get trashed on local microbrews or something on Wednesday. In preparation for the good time, I must now go and get a good night's sleep. If I'm not having too much fun, I'll check in with you.

Rose

Kitties out the window

I followed Ailleanach's intent stare out the window to see this kitty family.




This one wanted to play in the street instead of following Mama and Sister in out of the rain.

Mama told the little one to stay put and headed back very purposefully for the straggler.

Sister poked her head out to see where Mama and Straggler had gotten to.

Safely back across the street, they scooted in out of the rain.

There's a story everywhere.

Rose