I was a guest on the live late-night show at my university. Before I went up my friend gave me all the cards from her wallet to hold, someone handed me a huge bouquet of flowers for the host, and someone else approached me very mysteriously with a manila envelope to give to the host on the sly. I had pre-written a whole page of funny things to say, but I forgot them all when I got onstage and sat uncomfortably for a moment as if I had nothing to say.
I then made a comment about elderly male patients with romantic notions about their nurses. That got a little chuckle from the crowd and I relaxed a little. The host asked me about my religious beliefs and I told him I describe myself as an agnostic, which means I don't know. Some guy from the crowd yelled out, "But we do know." I asked him what we know, and he replied that God's existence had been proven. I said somewhat cynically, "You mean by the Bible? Right, because the Bible has been proven with radiocarbon dating. You're right then." After that I turned to the host and asked why I had to sit on a piano bench while he had a nice comfortable chair. More laughs from the crowd.
The host thanked me for being on the show, and I went down the stairs to take a seat in the audience. People from the crowd were yelling, "We love you" and "Come back soon."
2 hours ago