Friday, October 05, 2007


I received my bequest from Granny's estate today. It was a much larger amount of money than I expected. The executor made a reasonable request: think about how Granny would have wanted you to spend it. I've never received a gift of this size before, and I'm a little overwhelmed by. I sort of wish Granny would have spent it on something extravagant instead of being so frugal. Thinking about how frugal she was makes me ponder a wise use for it even harder. Here's where I come to the recurring theme. Granny's bequest would comprise a tidy fraction of the amount necessary for an adoption. Thinking about adoption so concretely scares me to death. Maybe the reason I'm not a mother already is that I'm not suited for it or nature didn't intend it for me. I suppose I'd be thinking more rationally if this hadn't happened on the first day of my period, when I'm already bound to be more than a little of kilter. I'm going to wait a while.

1 comment:

Field Notes said...

I know it's tempting to think that because you've been trying to get pregnant for so long and haven't that somehow the universe/god doesn't think you're ready/fit/deserving of being a mother. I have certainly thought that myself in moments of despair. But it is not flat out not true. Not not not. You are ready to be a mom. If adoption is now in sight for you, YEAH!! I am so jealous! Maybe that's the best thing to do with your granny's kind bequest :-) There's a huge tax credit for adoption too, you know, it's about 10K! You get it in the year the adoption goes through, but I suppose you've already researched all that :-)