Return from Exile

(Originally written June 22, 2017) 

God has called me back to his side after ten years of running from him! He has filled me with such peace and blessing as I learn to know him again.

I had started online dating for all the wrong reasons in February. A few weeks ago I accidentally went on a date with a Christian man. He listened to me recount the basic events of the last fifteen years and asked, "when you went to Florida and Oregon, what were you running from?" Then he told me I should read the story of how Elijah had God's strength to stand up to Ahab and the false prophets but ran away when Jezebel threatened him. God didn't let him escape though. He went with him and called him back with a still small voice. I couldn't get that out of my head.

After our date, I kept thinking about him and his question. I was impressed by his Christian character and I really liked him, but more than that God was moving in my heart. I called my old pastor's wife Tina for counsel, and she wisely said, "Ask God to show himself to you, and he will." As we finished our conversation it started to storm outside with thunder and lightning and heavy rain. I was reminded of Psalm 18, my favorite, where David asks for deliverance from his enemies and God descend on the clouds to defend him, embodied by storm. I ran through the drenching rain to get my Bible from the car so I could read that Psalm. I was just finishing copying favorite phrases on a notepad and thanking God for speaking to me so clearly when the phone rang.

Mom was on the phone telling me that Dad couldn't walk and they were taking him to the emergency room. I was working at the hospital that night, so I spent every spare minute checking on Dad. He was being treated for Lyme disease and improving overnight. I slipped Mom my notes on Psalm 18 as I rushed into work, and later was able to share my joyful news with both my parents, who have prayed faithfully and trusted God to redeem me these many years. In the midst of illness we praised Him and wept together.

A few days later I was reading Elie Wiesel's memoirs. He recounted being deported to Buchenwald in 1944 and watching the slaughter of most of his family and friends. He writes:

"God accompanies his children into exile.... He will never be absent. Present at the Creation, God forms part of it.... No space is devoid of God. Good is everywhere, even in suffering, and at the very heart of punishment.... What happens to us touches God."

Today I thank God that he went with me into my self-imposed exile. I suffered the consequences of my own willful choices, but God did not punish me. He protected me. He stayed with me, and He waited for me. What undeserved Grace!