Inspiration from Dr. Chickenfarmer

The visiting ER doc I worked with last night set the wheels in the void above my neck spinning. He told me that he just diagnosed one of his patients with a newly discovered enzyme that prevents implantation, thus causing repeat early miscarriages, often before a pregnancy can be confirmed. The treatment is anticoagulation: aspirin or heparin. I've said forever that I don't want fertility testing and treatments. I was thinking of IUI, IVF, hormone shots, and all that goes with it. What if a simple baby aspirin a day would give us a baby? I need to learn more about this. It could be new hope for us when mine has been severely wilted. The name of the problem is lupus anticoagulant. Should I be looking for an RE?

Rose

Passing

One of our dear old gentleman left this world last night. We all thought he would go home soon. He was so cold all evening and kept asking for blankets. Then he just stopped breathing and I closed his eyes. He was in his nineties. We should all go so peacefully.

Rose

Now I know I'm crazy

I had a meeting at the hospital at eight this morning, so I was up early. I spent the day updateing addresses. Then I went to get supper for Dahlia Man. The only trouble is- I wasn't supposed to go until tomorrow. Anyhow here I am, finishing the movie and waiting to go to my real job. Today started out cold, cloudy and windy. I wore a sweater and my jacket to walk to the hospital. Of course, I'm sure the real craziness comes from the mild PMS from which I've been suffering. The progesterone cream helps some, though. Wait and see what tomorrow brings.

Rose

Memoirs of a Geisha- movie review

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I thought I heard poor reviews of this movie, but we liked it. It's a little over two hours, I know that's long for some people, but it kept my attention. I don't really know anything about geishas, but the portrayal is stark and far different in many ways from the image we have of beautiful, talented, alluring women. Here are some major images that were altered in my mind.

Misconception #1- a career choice

Geishas were sold into slavery by their own families. If the geisha house didn't want them, they became prostitutes. If the geisha house decided they weren't good enough, they became servants.

Misconception #2- virgins

A maiko could not become a full geisha until she sold her virginity to the highest bidder. After that, she wasn't supposed to have sex again.

If the story is true, then it is full of all the ugliness that women can be to each other. Lies and backstabbing and setting each other up in a cruel competitive dance that could sometimes mean surviving or not for the geisha house. Sadly, is a dance that is put on for men. Yet this dynamic goes on every day in the school, the workplace, the home, and the public for many American women.

Although we have the freedom in this country to choose a life and a career, what are the factors that enslave American women? We are constantly reminded by ScienceWoman how hard it is for a woman to pursue a professional career in science, and of the fierce competition and bias toward men in the field. Although, I was lucky not to experience this, many women in the Christian circles that I grew up in are taught that their only acceptable role is wife and mother. That said, I believe Father censures Robin for her choice to go back to nursing school with a husband and child to care for. If you look at the media at all, you'll receive only a few images of powerful women. Most of the images there are the American version of geisha: how to make yourself up and play the patriarchal game in which women are pawns.

What about sex? We've got a corner on the virgin/whore dichotomy. It's popular wisdom that if a girl doesn't "put out" by the third date, a man will move on to someone else. So does that mean a girl has to have sex on the third date if she doesn't want to lose the guy? And of course she's supposed to sleep with her date to the high school prom. All the while, she should maintain the snowy white purity that will allow her to wear white on her wedding day.

On the other hand, consider the chastity movement. Girls (and presumably boys) are wearing bracelets inscribed with TLW (True Love Waits) to remind them to save it for the wedding night. This is considered "safe sex". Can't get any diseases if you don't "do it", right? No further sex ed necessary. Sorry, abstinence crowd, it doesn't work. What it does accomplish is, when she finally decides to do it in a moment of passion, she doesn't know what a condom is, much less to ask for one. Or maybe she'll just fool around. Oral sex isn't sex, right? Wrong.

Well, everyone knew we have this problem in America and it didn't have much to do with the movie. But that's what I'm alll about, saying what I think while I'm thinking it.

Rose

Applesauce

Yesterday I made applesauce with apples picked from Dahlia Man's trees and drops off the ground. The green apples are called Kings; I don't know the names of the others. I used a large bucket of Kings and a medium bucket of the red ones, which are sweeter. Below are various stages of preparation. The drops are wormy and bruised.



Here is the applesauce in progress. When it is liquedfied, I add brown sugar and cinnamon. I ended up with about eight quarts. j. ate some and I froze the remainder using our Foodsaver bag and seal system.


I wish you could smell it.

Rose

Air Soccer- dream journal

I went for a walk at night. A fancy helicopter was landing in the park with refugees. I went home and told j. about it. Just then we saw it circling overhead. It came in to hover over the athletic field. It lowered nets that men were hanging from. They were playing some version of soccer while suspended in midair. It changed into a motivational conference with standing room only. While j. was talking to someone, some girls came and took his seat. I got upset and left. I wasn't dressed. I had only a blanket wrapped around me. I must have come back because I whispered something to j. and the speaker got really upset with me. Then I left for good.

After that I was with Mother and Father visiting a summer camp where I used to work. Everyone was talking about a man who was pregnant. Then his wife suddenly dropped over dead. We went for a walk and came to a deserted housing community with a broken down aviary full of really scraggly looking birds.

Fun and Friends

Dinner with Ki'il and her husband The Scholar last night was fantastic. Ki'il poured margaritas when we got there. Then she served up a delicious Korean feast of lettuce wraps with marinated beef sauteed with mushrooms, garlic and onions and a whole grain and rice mixture. You get a piece of lettuce, pile it with the other components and roll it up. It's supposed to be a mouthful. There was a fermented soy sauce and fermented soybeans, which are rich in probiotics. Then she brought out the dark green seaweed. You make wraps with that too. My mouth was still bursting with the memory of flavor hours later when we got home.

I guess I was the big drinker in the bunch. I drank both my margarita and jc's. Then when the Scholar's parents got home, I had a glass of Merlot. Some of you will appreciate the humor in little old me who used to be a teetotaler drinking more than anyone else.

The Scholar is in nursing school, so we had some conversations about that. He is in the phase where they throw theory at you without explaining the practical purpose of it. Hopefully, I helped rather than muddying the waters more with my rambling. We could've stayed all night chit-chatting, but people have school and work, and so we scurried home about midnight. We hope to do it again soon. Only I'll be embarrassed by my simple food after the feast we got served up.

Rose

busy weekend

I started a new sideline this weekend helping Dahlia Man while his caretaker is away. This kept me busy as I helped him with his dinner before going to work on Saturday, and then helped him with his breakfast after work. I had to wake up even ealier on Saturday to go sign the lease for our new place. That means this week we can start moving stuff in. I also got apples from Dahlia Man's trees for apple sauce. That will keep me busy tomorrow. Tonight we are invited to a friend's for dinner. I will take her some dahlias. I am looking forward to meeting her husband, who is a yogi. Exciting updates should be coming along soon.

Rose

commune- dream journal

I was living at a commune. Brownie was there. Mother and Father came to visit. They wanted to buy food from the commune for lunch, but were very awkward in going about it. Everyone there was cooking different meals and the kitchen was a mess.

Then there were some kind of war games with toy soldiers. I was taking it pretty seriously and my best friend from high school got pretty upset with me. Something underlying made the situation very tense.

Sronnoc Esor

on the creek- dream journal

I was awakened by repeated kicks in the shins. j. told me he had been dreaming that a general made him go into the army and practice saluting and things for two weeks. He was trying to escape.

I went back to sleep.

I was trying to float down the creek at The Farm at flood stage. When I got about where the cable car used to be, there were fisherman in motorized craft. I returned to dry land to avoid them.

After that I was at BJU. I was wearing pants with a skirt over them. On my way to breakfast, I ran into Mary. She had her two year old little girl with her. There was a long wait at the cafeteria. Then I sat with Leigh and her friends. They ignored me completely. I wanted a salad, but the salad bar lady told me she had just put it out and it wasn't ready to eat yet.

Sronnoc Esor

Running ragged?

After four hours of sleep last night, I got up to meet someone about a little homecare gig which I will be doing. It took two tries to get in a nice talk with Robin, who seems to be doing well, although busy. I took a little nap, then went to hike around in the wilderness behind Wheat Grass Lady's new house. I'll go back and take some pics for you later.

After yoga class we had grilled cheese sandwiches on the new cast iron grill pan and watched "Like Water for Chocolate". Out of laziness, I will comment on it here. The English voiceovers were terrible, so we watched it in Spanish with English subtitles. It was much better that way. I disagree with the basic premise of the movie, which to me seemed to be that sexual passion is the ruling force in the world. I believe that love can conquer all, but that's different. Of course the movie is fanciful, so we must allow leeway. Literal fires start from sexual longing and fulfillment and in the end, a woman eats matches and burns down a whole rancho. I don't doubt that I may have missed the point. If someone else got it and wants to correct me, I'm all ears.

R. C.

Plastic surgery risk or Intrinsic tendency?

This study of Canadian women who had breast implants and other cosmetic surgery found a significantly greater suicide rate in the study group than in the general population (about 73% higher). This begs the question: Would these women have taken their own lives if they hadn't had the surgery? Is there a connection between plastic surgery and depression? Is there a higher suicide risk among people who have other kinds of surgery?

First of all, I have to ask myself why people want to have body-changing surgery. I have never harbored even the remotest desire to do such a thing. Of course, as a nurse, I know that the last thing you should ever do is let a surgeon cut you. But that's beside the point. Aside from body changes that I can affect myself through exercise and proper diet, I'm happy with the way I look. I'm not perfect, but I'm me.

What gives someone such poor self esteem that they risk their lives to change their bodies? Is it the way they've been treated by others? Unimaginable things happen in families. I know a woman whose father called her "flats" because she had very small breasts. Parents tell their children they are ugly and fat and stupid and bad. Based on this sort of treatment in the develomental years, how could a person come out with positive self-image?

Then we have popular culture. Big breasts are beautiful. Men will desire you. Wide noses are ugly. You might be mistaken for someone of another race, other than white that is. Aging is terrible. Wrinkles and crow's feet and gray hair are all signs of inferiority. Forget the wisdom that comes with years of experience. Do we have plastic surgery only because our society is so ageist, sexist, and racist? Who decides what beauty is? Advertisers? Hollywood?

I submit that beauty comes from within.

Love yourself.

Rose

We're moving

This will be our new home. No, not a boat, a house about two blocks from the harbor. The rent is similar and the house is much nicer than where we are. We've sort of wanted to try out living here for a while. We even entertained the idea of a houseboat for a while, but it didn't seem like a good idea with a piano, let alone children. So now we have our big chance. For the moment, that's a big chance to pack up all our earthly belongings again. I'm making the most of the excited energy I have now to get some of that done right away.

I'll keep you posted.

Rose

snake in the bed- dream journal

I was taking care of a patient who complained that there was a snake in the bed. I didn't believe her and took the covers of to show her that it wasn't there. She said it was under the pillows, but she didn't want me to move the pillows. "If it's under there, it can stay. I don't want to move." I picked up the pillows anyway and sure enough, there was a snake there. I "eeked" out loud. (j. asked me what was wrong.)

I went out to eat with Mother and Father. The menu looked much like a hospital menu: a piece of paper with four or five sections, each had one menu choice. I ordered in German and the waitress told me, also in German, that my choice wasn't available. She said they were out of the brown bread it came with. I asked if I could just have it with different bread. She said all they had was white sandwich bread and I told her that would be fine. The drinks came in glass bowls. Father had lager. Mother's meal came with a cheese selection, which she said she didn't want. I said I would look at it. About twenty different kinds of cheeses came out on a tray for our perusal.

Next thing I remember, we were in a hired car being driven to the waterfall. The driver said we would be able to drink from the waterfall for a dollar. I was thinking how nice it was to have a driver and be able to sit back and enjoy the trip.

Sronnoc Esor

Father and Jack- dream journal

Father won a bottle of Jack Daniels in a raffle. He stood in front of the assembly drinking it and talking loudly and generally acting foolishly. Mother tried to take it from him and encouraged him to have something to eat. He said all he wanted was the Jack Daniels.

We were swimming in a very nice pool when they suddenly drained the water. I thought maybe you just couldn't see the water and tried swimming anyway.

Sweet Normalcy

Ah, how nice to get back to work and have a nice normal night and be "hitting the hay" at 0800, getting ready to spend all day in bed.

Rose

Dr. Laura- talk radio

Our local radio station has morphed from country music, which I love, to talk radio. I have a sort of love/hate relationship with talk radio. If it is on, I am compelled to listen to the current caller's story and the subsequent advice given. Then I fume about the idiocy of the callers who cannot think for themselves at all and the rudeness of the talk show host, or the inadequacy of the advice offered.

Today it was "Dr. Laura", who I've never been able to stand anyway. Most of the advice I heard today was basically sound, but the lack of grace with which it is delivered offends all my sensibilities.

Note to self: listen to CDs in the car.

Rose

old fashioned roses- book club today

I attended the first fall meeting of the local book club at the library today. Having never been to a book club before, I didn't know what to expect. What I found was a nice hour or so of chatting about our favorite books. I was younger by half than anyone else there, so I'm the winner, because these people have had a lifetime to read wonderful books to tell me about.

I lazed about the rest of the day; my excuse for doing so is wearing thin. It'll be back to work for me tomorrow.

Rose

Tea with Mussolini- movie review

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I suppose I'm the last person in the world to see this delightful film. I love Dame Judy Dench no matter what she does, Cher really delivers as Elsa, and Lily Tomlin's Georgie is unforgettable. The cinematography is flawless, the costumes, the landscapes, the art and architecture dazzle.

Aside from all that, who couldn't love these ladies who embody the spirit of humanity that all of us should emulate? No matter whether we like each other or not, let's love each other in the face of whatever obstacles stand in our way.

R.C.

The River- movie review

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Why do we always quarrel with the way things are?

You can't change anything simply by wishing it were otherwise. You can't bring anyone back to life or get your leg back or make someone love you.

The film is a nice story beautifully shot and full of lovely images of India and information about the culture.

The other thing that I really liked was Mr. John's sentiment that we ruin childhood by filling children's minds with our taboos.

Is it better to live fully and die young or live carefully and live to old age?

The Hindu mindset that pervades the piece is a worthwhile reminder for us to have a more peaceful and accepting attitude toward life.

R.C.