New Beginnnings

Moving day is Saturday. I should be spending more time packing.
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We're going to see Spring Awakenings tomorrow.
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I accepted a job on the float pool at Providence working 3 eight hour nights.
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I'm excited about all these things.
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rc

dream journal

A man disguised his wife as an indentured servant for the Atlantic voyage. Her English was flawless and she was obviously a lady. The woman who pretended to be his wife spoke and dressed coarsely.

We followed the guide/teacher on a tour. I missed the elevator that the group got on and I didn't know which floor they went to. The elevator I got in took me to the eighth floor. When the doors opened, a young man and woman who had been leaning against the elevator doors making out nearly tumbled in. I went down to the fifth floor where I found the group. They were discussing a sick patient and wondering why the family didn't realize that the patient would never recover. When the group left, I noticed that two family members had been hiding in the room.

A man threw a house party. He invited me, but then ignored me. I think I was related to him. When everyone ordered dinner out, I used his credit card to pay. My sister wasn't sure it was a good idea. The man was a mathematician. He wore a pill cutter on the forefinger of each hand to help him do math. I offered to put the pill cutters away while he was sitting in the living room visiting with his guests, and he became angry and told me to go away. I went to get my coat in Granny's den where several guests were sitting.

The water supply was unusual.

sronnoc esor

News

• signed lease for Pearl district apartment
• move-in is October 25
• promising interview Friday- waiting for job offer
• too antsy too sit in the house- off to downtown

rc

Update or I Like the City

The above picture was taken at The Grotto. The statuary depicts St. Francis of Assissi, who must have something to do with peace, considering his companions.

jc and I have been spending a lot of time downtown. Quite ironically, we moved to the part of the city that is most nearly identical to the tired, boring, small town we were trying to escape. In addition, our 25-year old condo is badly in need of maintenance and repairs, and the association has decided to go all out now, with roofing and paving going on every day. There's no end in sight. So we started looking at apartments downtown. jc wanted to live downtown to start out with, and we knew that this place was just a way to get to the city. We found a great loft, and we're just waiting for the details to be approved, so we should be moving in a few weeks.

Spending time in the city changes how I think about myself. I find myself thinking more about my appearance than I ever did. In former podunk outpousts where the universal dress code is either coveralls or baggy sweatpants, I've had little motivation to do any better than jeans and a t-shirt. When I have the treat of looking at people who are well-dressed and pleasant, I want to do the same myself.

It surprises me how much I enjoy the city. I grew up as a simple country girl, but every day that I spend in the city, I enjoy it more. Yesterday, I went alone; riding the train, going to the library, reading a book in a coffee shop. It was a successful day. I'll do it again.

rc

More Ambiguity

This blog has always been, in some ways, a place of relative ambiguity . It's inconvenient for me to write in detail on this forum about deeply personal matters. I can discuss my feelings much more freely than the reasons for them. I stopped crying today for the most part. The tears that did come today were completely different from the ones from before. As I told jc, in Scenario A there is something that I thought would make me happy and something that made me very sad. Scenario B involves something that disappoints me somewhat and something that makes me very happy. So I chose Scenario B. I have a twinge of regret over missing out on Scenario A, but I'm not turning back.

rc

Happiness

When I was in my early teens, I spent the summer working as a waitress at a summer camp. One of my weekend duties was to clean between groups. As I was cleaning the lodge one week, I encountered a woman who was still there because she was ill. Yet she was sitting up in bed smiling and laughing with her family.

Since then, I've observed this phenomenon many times, but that first experience really stuck with me. The terminal patients on the oncology floor where we did clinicals in nursing school often surprised me in the same way. After reading the chart of a woman who had a very grim prognosis, I went into her room and found her happily listening to Stevie Nicks on headphones. We dreaded those patients the most, but maybe they taught us the most. Not about medicine, but about life.

Today my lovely friend Shewcbn reminded me not to spend life chasing happiness, but to simply choose happiness. I agree with her. I've had some hard days lately and cried a lot of tears, and it isn't over by any means. But this morning in bed, I forced myself to breathe deeply, fully exhale, and go to a happy place, just like I tell nervous hospital patients to do. And despite these difficult days, my happy place is still there, and I can still be happy in it.

rc

Tooth Fairy- dream journal

I was sitting with Grandma Comfort, telling her about my recurring dream. I told her that it involved walking from her house, up the mountain, and trying to come out at Big M's house near Port Matilda.

I was in a car with Dorothy Wert and Peg Hisson, going on a trip. We stopped at a remote house, high on the hillside to talk to someone sitting in a car in the parking lot. I decided to get out and walk. I had to negotiate over an area of large boulders and wooden pilings before coming out onto the path.

Next I found myself walking the route that I had described. It had changed into that recurring twilight, wooded corridor. I passed a military looking, open vehicle with two men it. I was concerned that they would try to stop me, but the paid no attention. I walked for a while, then suddenly I had a bicycle. I saw two cyclists coming up fast behind me, so I moved to the side in an alcove to let them by. I saw it was a white-haired couple. They said they weren't really going they fast. They were going to the doctor. They asked me if I believed in radiating poison of some kind that kills earthworms on contact. I said that I couldn't believe in it since I had never heard of it happening. I held the door for them, and they went insisde the hospital.

A tiny little boy was running down the hallway. He tripped, hit his mouth, and knocked a tooth out. I stooped to pick him up and saw that he had a full mouth of teeth despite the fact that he didn't look any older than eighteen months. There was no bleeding and he didn't seem to mind the missing tooth. I stepped into a nearby door and asked where he belonged. They sent me around the corner, where his nurse hadn't really seemed to miss him. I had dropped the tooth somewhere. I was helping the nurse with a procedure on the little boy when a woman who I perceived to be my staffing coordinator came rushing in to tell me they needed me elsewhere because the old lady I had held the door for was dead. I hurried away to help, stopping along the way to find the lost tooth.

Sronnoc Esor

It's Complicated

I haven't posted in a long time. That's partly because gas prices have kept me at home, so I've been nowhere to either write about or take pictures of. It's also partly because I'm somewhat introspective and slightly troubled. It's not anything that I'm ready to talk about, but it's occupying my mind more and more.

rc

Beets!

I love to grow things, but I'm really bad it it; so I get really excited by small degrees of success. Just to have my seeds come up is a major accomplishment. For my beets to actually be leafy and green and pretty is unbelievably exciting. I'm beginning to entertain the possibility that I'll actually have beets to eat. As a matter of fact, I'm planning to thin these crowded plants and eat the greens today.

In other matters, Ki'il and the Scholar moved to town this week. I'm looking forward to having someone here to meet for coffee. In an optimistic move, I checked The Basic Writings of C.G. Jung out of the library. We'll see how far I get. I'm halfway through at least six books already.

I'm ready for the rains! Have I said that before? I ordered a raincoat. Pics when it arrives.

Rose

IRFD- Barely Flipped

I sat on the train home from the city late this afternoon, thinking about how it was the second annual International Rock Flipping Day and I still hadn't flipped any rocks. I snapped this shot from the bridge.

When I got home, I realized that the dying light didn't give me long to flip, so I headed down the blocked off, dead-end, city street we live on to search for rocks.

I came to this rock-like barricade, much too heavy to lift, but sitting on lots of limestone.

I flipped a few small rocks and was disappointed by fallen leaves. Then I turned this rock over and found ant larvae and this vaguely snail-like looking creature

Another large pile of manufactured rock on top of more rock. If you watched long enough you might see something crawl out of the cracks here. I only saw candy bar wrappers, crushed aluminum cans, and the ashes of a forgotten campfire.

I turned back before heading up the lane to snap this shot of the waxing moon shining over the Willamette River. By now, the bats were swooping in their erratic arcs, a garter snake scurried across the cracked macadam looking for a hole to hide in, and the street light glowed the same pink as the last rays of the fading sun.

Rose

International Rock Flipping Day 2008 (links)

Rock-Flipping Day Reports

Pohanginapete (Pohangina Valley, Aotearoa/New Zealand)
Blaugustine (London, England)
Nature Remains (Ohio, USA)
Pensacola Daily Photo (Florida, USA)
KatDoc’s World (Ohio, USA)
Notes from the Cloud Messenger (Ontario, Canada)
Brittle Road (Texas [?])
Sherry Chandler (Kentucky, USA)
osage + orange (Illinois, USA)
Rock Paper Lizard (British Columbia, Canada)
The Crafty H (Virginia, USA)
Chicken Spaghetti (Connecticut, USA)
A Passion for Nature (New York, USA)
The Dog Geek (Virginia, USA)
Blue Ridge blog (North Carolina, USA)
Bug Girl’s Blog (Midwestern US)
chatoyance (Austin, Texas)
Riverside Rambles (Missouri, USA)
Pines Above Snow(Maryland, USA)
Beth’s stories (Maine, USA)
A Honey of an Anklet (Virginia, USA)
Wanderin’ Weeta (British Columbia, Canada)
Fate, Felicity, or Fluke (Oregon, USA)
The Northwest Nature Nut (Oregon, USA)
Roundrock Journal (Missouri, USA)
The New Dharma Bums (California, USA)
The Marvelous in Nature (Ontario, Canada)
Via Negativa (Pennsylvania, USA)
Mrs. Gray’s class, Beatty-Warren Middle School (Pennsylvania, USA)
Cicero Sings (British Columbia, Canada)

Via Negativa has the complete description and link list for IRFD. Thanks for hosting, Dave!

Angelic...

...definitely doesn't describe me. I'd love to get outside to get rid of some of my bluesy, bored, irritable mood, but it's simply too sunny and hot. I'm seriously ready for the rains to start! I ordered a new coat, specifically intended for rainy days in the city. I'm irritated with the company for being so slow about sending it, even though I have no use for it whatever at the moment. I'm obsessed with political coverage of this very fascinating, historic election, but I'm irritated with that too. Even my five pound bag of nacho chips with all the appropriate toppings isn't cheering me up at the moment. I'm going to brew a fresh pot of tea and be as unpleasant as possible. That just how I feel.

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not so rosy

The Grotto

The Grotto is the location of a Servite monastery and chapel.  The Grotto itself is a shrine carved out of the rock cliff.  Outdoor mass is held there weekly throughout the summer.  An elevator takes you to the top, where there is a lovely garden dotted with religious sculpture.  Pictured above is the Peace Pole.  The inscription is repeated in three other languages on the other sides of the pole, and it guards the entrance to the Peace Garden.  I wandered the gardens while the Sunday crowd attended mass at the chapel at the foot of the cliff.  I stopped in the meditation chapel to read familiar words from the Tao Te Ching: words I've been repeating like a mantra lately, "things arise and she lets them come, things disappear and she lets them go."  The monastery is here, secluded, at the top of the cliff; and I can imagine the peace and solitude the garden must offer at sunrise and dusk, when it is closed to the public.   I thought about staying to attend mass, but the spirit of the garden had already filled my soul, and I didn't want to chance spoiling it.

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Rose

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p.s. Click here to view all of today's photos on Flicker.

Morning

After four straight nights at work, something I am unaccustomed to, I couldn't sleep last night. I was still up in the morning, so I drove over the Washington border to Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge. It's a lovely wetland with an auto tour route. When I got there the mist was still settled over the swamps and meadows and the sky was tinged with the pink sunrise. Birds were atwitter everywhere.

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Tonight, a warm summer rain is falling on us.
Rose

Food Meme

Rules: bold are things I've eaten, italics I have attempted and nearly retched on, and strikethroughs are things I would never put in my mouth. Here we go!

You'll notice there are no strikethroughs. I haven't met anything I wouldn't try. No italics either.

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari- an old favorite
12. Pho- a new favorite
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries -like Brer Rabbit: "Bawn and bred in a briar patch"
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters-the sweetest oysters ever came from our late home: Winchester Bay
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut- Wonderful memories of making it as a child.
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel- eel rolls- another favorite
49. Krispy Kreme
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV.
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe- at 70% alcohol, too boozy for me, but I'd try a sip
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu- unlikely to drink this
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox -yet another favorite
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta Especially fried. With syrup.
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

Everything's Great When You're... Downtown

Since getting back from my trip, I've signed up for several nights at work, but haven't been needed. SPM was here a few nights ago en route somewhere else, so we had a delightful visit with him. Yesterday we watched the opening ceremony in Beijing, which I was simply fascinated by.

We took advantage of a weekend off work and went to the Portland Saturday Market today. It was crowded with people and food and booths of great arts and crafts. Then we sauntered over to the Art Museum for the Klaus Moje glasswork display they have up. Of course we never go to the art museum without stopping to see Monet's Water Lilies. It was a perfect day without too much sun, and yet still without rain.

Now I'm going to watch the Olympics with jc and eat salty snacks. If I'm going to be lazy, I might as well enjoy it.

rc

Da Vinci and Mary Magdalene

It seems somewhat ironic that I received the Bock book in the mail from Laura just days after watching a History channel special on the same subject, but I should begin at the beginning.

I haven't shared with a lot of people, primarily because they didn't ask, that reading Dan Brown's book instigated my first crisis of faith. I feel kind of exposed writing about it here, yet I have no compunction about sharing my story with anyone who is interested, so I will attempt to shed my self-consciousness and write openly. Many fundamentalists, as is their habit, warned churchgoers against reading The DaVinci Code when it was first published to widespread acclaim. I didn't initially have much interest, but jc brought it home from the library, so I read it.

Admittedly, I've always been a sucker for historical fiction, trying to separate the true from the invented. In this case, I was already primed for doubt. I wouldn't want anyone to misconstrue my story to mean that a fictional story caused the disintegration of my faith: quite the contrary. The very fact that I could entertain Dan Brown's fabulous hypothesis indicates that I must have already been engulfed in doubts that I had, until then, failed to recognize.

Coming face to face with my doubt sent me into a tailspin of emotional distress. My faith had been constructed on a framework whose basic tenet was the divinity of Jesus Christ. I can look back and acknowledge that a wife and child need not have negated Jesus' godhood, but at the time the two seemed necessarily mutually exclusive. Nor does frank examination of the evidence available seem to provide proof of either to me. Both the History channel special and the Bock book expose reasons why Dan Brown's claims are full of holes. I am even led to wonder whether Brown bears some malice toward the Catholic church, which prompted some of his fantastic notions.

You may want to ask: if The DaVinci Code doesn't get the credit for my change in beliefs, what does? I was raised in the protective bubble of Biblical fundamentalism. I attended Christian school and Christian college, worked at Christian summer camps, and even taught at a Christian school. I had little exposure to secular science or philosophy until my late twenties. I was taught literal, six-day creationism, and school science texts routinely debunked radiocarbon dating, and cited misconstrued fossil findings as evidence against evolution. Fundamentalists hold that obscure Bible passages and accounts such as creation are all equally true. The truth of the whole is integrally linked to the truth of individual parts. When I began to learn what science has discovered about the origins of the earth, and the history of mankind, I had to reject a 6,000 year old earth and the Adam-and-Eve story of man's origins.

It took several years for my concerns to accumulate to the point, that I rejected the Bible as truth outright. It has been about a year now since I felt that it was important to share my change in beliefs with my family. As I continue to read and learn, I do not regret the path I have chosen. I have more questions than ever, and yet I have no burning need to have the answers. I relish speculating on the questions. I describe myself as agnostic or freethinker, and I have no doubt that many would dismiss my views as secular humanist, a term that my upbringing uses to sneer at those who believe, as I now do, that how I treat people that I can see is more important than what I believe about a god who may or may not exist.

I've come a long way since reading The DaVinci Code, but I don't regret a single step.

Rose

Recovery

I'm still in recovery from vacation. I had to renew my CPR certification yesterday, so that was a slight deviation, but we made it up with a trip to Nicholas restaurant, where I had the vegetarian mezza with lairan, a middle eastern yogurt drink. This afternoon I walked to the supermarket and picked up a Cabernet and a nice smoked pepper cheddar, which I am now enjoying.

Rose

Back Home

The few days I had at Mother and Father's flew by. Mr. Clean and his brood were there. The baby is beautiful, and I took every opportunity to "babysit". Baptist Nun was there and Big M and Little M came over every day. Robin and A.E. showed up Friday night, so all the siblings were together briefly for the first time in years.

I slept in the yard in a tent until it turned rainy. I slept at Big M's one night, and on the floor of the living room. My bed at home was welcome after all that.

We had lots of good meals, laughed until I stopped breathing playing Balderdash, had a picnic with extended family, and went to prayer meeting, where I had a wonderful chat with my old piano teacher.

SheWCBN took me to the Waffle House for breakfast and wonderful girl talk. We even stopped at a yard sale.

It was a pleasant trip "back home" and I'm happy as can be to be truly back home now.

Rose