old man- dream journal

I was at work. I went down the hall to ask the old man if he wanted to take a shower. It was still very early in the morning. I noticed that he had forgotten to flush the toilet, and flushed it on my way into the room, calling out to him. I had to move his aluminum Klein bicycle to get into the bathroom, and noticed that the tires were flat. I had to move two wheelchairs, too, before moving the shower chair into the shower. He was sitting on the toilet, but said he didn't want a shower. When I tried to convince him, he jumped up and ran off. I chased him, jumping in the cab of the truck just in time for him to take off. I briefly noticed a woman who looked like she was running away, walking beside the road before my attention was diverted by traffic. Suddenly I was the one driving, but I couldn't reach the controls. We were going way too fast on the narrow road on the side of the mountain. We finally came to a stop, somehow winding up in a room. The woman who had been running away had an accomplice now. She panicked when she realized that we had seen her, pulling out a gun. I ducked behind the stairs and motioned the old man to get down. She fired a shot way too near the old man, but still missed him. He crumpled to the floor in a heap, too scared to move. The woman and her accomplice ran off down the hall, and I picked up the old man and walked off the other direction, trying to find my way back through the maze of hallways. In a place where two building seemed to be joined together, I asked someone in the hall for directions. She pointed me the same way we were going. When we got back, no one had even missed us. I insisted that we should call the police about the shots that had been fired, but no one seemed concerned. The day shift was arriving. Time to go home.

Sronnoc Esor

Spring is Here! (not technically)

It was a lovely, sunny day here. Buds are out on the trees. Spring flowers are blooming. Folks are eating lunch at sidewalk cafe tables. I had an iced coffee.

My ink was finished yesterday. After about two hours work, I have a lovely piece of artwork with deep meaning for me.

Life is good.

Rose

Escape From the City

As I sat sipping my latte this morning, it began to snow. Delighted as a child at this development, I decided to go for a ride. It snowed huge flakes the whole time I was on the streetcar. Later, when the train emerged from the dark tunnel, the hillside was covered with snow, fluffy flakes sticking to the firs.

I got off at Tualatin Hills Nature Park and walked down the path into the forest. It had stopped snowing, but the day was dark, with scattered raindrops falling. A doe and her year-old fawn stepped out from the trees to browse on new leaves emerging from dry shoots. The stark white belly of a brown creeper rivaled the face of the black-capped chickadee as the brightest spot in the dark wood. A ruby-crowned kinglet flitted about, acrobatically dangling from the underside of the branches. The marsh wren, with it's striking eye stripe danced along the boggy riverside.

As I admired the chest-jutting song of the winter wren, the sun broke through, sparkling off the new raindrops clinging to the branches. I lowered the hood of my jacket, delightfully drinking it all in.

Rose

Rock Dove

English Sparrow

Crow

Progress

Those of you who talk to me regularly already know that I found a therapist. I consider it (in a way) a very good milepost that she didn't make me dig deep this week because she thought I seemed to happy and didn't want to wreck my happiness.

We're starting to have warm days. Spring is on my mind.

rc

I'm Okay

It's occurred to me that I write far more introspective, angsty posts than I do happy, contented ones. There are obvious reasons for that. If you read my high school diaries, (which you can't, because I destroyed them) you'd see that tendency clearly exhibited. Anyway, as far as I know, no one is eternally mad at me and things aren't really as bad as I made them sound. Thanks to the readership for tolerating a little bipolarity at times.

We're enjoying an amazing amount of sunny weather for January in Portland. I'm loving the new job, and even found a new bus route that cuts my transit time by twenty minutes or so. I'm making a tentative start at an exercise regime-only two days in, we'll see how that goes.

I've even been thinking about writing the dreams again. There have been some real doozies lately.

Rose

Deja Vu or Emotional Rambling

I wonder. Am I destined to go through life making all the same mistakes over and over? Because I'm starting to see a pattern. Can I outlive the mistakes of the past? Can I right the wrongs I've instigated? Can I earn back the trust of those who love me? There's so much work to be done. I'm afraid of what might happen. Now, more than ever, I'm grateful for jc's seeming unconditional love and support. I'm not sure that there's any sense in apologies, because there's no way to undo what I've done. It's been my rule not to regret the past, but I find myself regretting my behavior nonetheless. I need help picking up the pieces.

rose