Fate, Felicity, or Fluke

Problem Solving vs. Crisis Abatement

2010-05-02T17:35:00.000-07:00

There are multiple approaches to problem-solving. I like solving problems, but my patience for it is in inverse proportion to the messiness of the problem. I like to find a solution that relates directly to the problem, and whose solution is ordered, sequential, and foolproof. I doubt that there is ever such an instance in interpersonal affairs. Perhaps that represents a significant portion of the reason that I have a tendency to abandon human problem solving techniques once the crisis is past and my emotions have settled.

I have learned that like minds, when coupled, have an extraordinary ability to extend the workability of reason in human problem solving; but I was resistant to the idea that it could work when only one of those involved in the problem participated in the technique. Then it was pointed out to me that problem solving that is only aimed at crisis management does nothing to prevent future problems. It is therefore preferable to take steps to prevent future crises.

Not every human problem seems to have a rational basis. Some things seem to be purely emotional. But even emotion has a pattern that can be discovered, if observed calmly. It has cause and effect. Therefore it can be reasoned and problem solved on a rational basis.

At first, solving a problem that involves two people seems like it should necessitate the active involvement of both parties in rational problem solving, but I've discovered a major flaw in that supposition. It supposes that both parties experience the problem identically and contribute to it identically and equally. In fact, nothing could be farther from the truth. Both my contribution to the problem and my experience of it are likely to be vastly different from his. It would be useful to precisely identify and understand the inner workings of his perception and experience, but it is not entirely necessary. I can use what I do know of what he feels to alter my reactions in a way that gives him the perception of improvement.

This is who I love. Now how can I do it better?

I need to speak his love language to him. It is the medium he understands. It is what he uses to make me feel loved. It is what will give him the experience of feeling loved. Using methods that I understand to show my love to him will make me feel more satisfied that I love him, but it will not address his feelings. A dear friend likes to say "right feelings follow right actions". It's a phrase that I was never particularly fond of, but today I find myself rethinking its meaning. It makes sense that if I behave in a loving way it will result in experiencing a loving feeling.

What does he do to show me that he loves me? These are the things that will make him feel loved if I return the action. I should show my love with a gift that has value to him rather than one that has value to me.

rc

a visit- dream journal

2010-02-28T12:10:00.000-08:00

I went to therapy where I was being counseled by a man whose wife sat in on therapy and kept giving her opinion. While I was there, I ran into the children of a friend. They invited me to come home with them. There was a very roundabout journey, at one point we were going the wrong direction on the freeway, then I found myself at the top of a freeway ramp that led nowhere. The therapist's wife was shadowing me, but not very sneakily. At my friend's house, a choir was practicing. They were planning to record a demo the next day and they sounded terrible. I forgot that so many people were there and went to take a shower. Members of the choir were coming and going and I had to scramble for a robe. There was a group of women in the sunroom having a conference on something to do with the hospital. I dropped a cabbage behind the buffet. Eventually I sat down in the armchair. Little, blonde, twin toddler boys climbed into my lap and fell asleep and a girl with dark curly hair wedged herself into the space that was left and fell asleep too. I was contented. Later I went outside to eat a popsickle. The girl came out and invited me back in where they were having ice cream before leaving for school.

sronnoc esor

Tualatin Hills Nature Park

2010-02-23T14:46:00.000-08:00

Sharing is Fun

2010-01-27T07:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, so the title is tongue-in-cheek. I never learned how to communicate about feelings as a child. I recently learned that my siblings' code word for Father was "Baron". I was pretty much scared to approach him about anything. If I needed something, I'd cajole Mother into asking him. I certainly didn't have open conversations of any kind with him. While I was confident in Mother's love for me, maybe there just wasn't time for sharing for her, with all the responsibilities of a household. Or maybe it was something else.

Religion taught me that feelings are secondary to controlled impulses, that one should do what is right, whether it feels good or not. I still believe that. I believe that I should control my emotions, and edit them if necessary. I believe that I should mercilessly cull inappropriate feelings. Does this put me in control of myself, or does it simply serve to detach me from my true self? I can walk around all day thinking about how I feel about something without any threat. I can reason with myself about it, consider the facts, change my mind if I want.

I still remember the first time jc wheedled me into admitting that I loved him. It was certainly premature, maybe even on the phone before we'd actually met. Love takes many forms; and the love I confessed then, that barely formed feeling that I wanted to talk to him every day, share everything with him, knowing that he shone a bright spot on my busy life, is worlds different from the way I feel about him today. It was the seed of a tree that is still growing. I admitted it hesitantly, and it exposed a part of me that left me vulnerable. That exposed part of me has grown over the years. In a few weeks it will be 8 years. But jc has never made me sorry that I opened that spot to him. He's given me his own insecurity too, but that's another post, and one that will almost certainly never appear here.

The response to our childish game of, "loves you to deff, baby-baby" is often, "but, why?" There's no good answer to that. Your handsome face, pretty eyes, accepting heart? How nice it feels to hold your hand, to walk arm in arm down the street, to lie together in the afternoon? Presents you buy me, perhaps? That you don't criticize my slovenly housekeeping? Maybe it's still the reason that I actually fell in love with him in the first place, because I trusted him never to hurt me. My answer is often to stroke his lovely face and kiss him softly. I need no reason.

That often-unspoken simplicity of love has kept jc and I from ever needing many conversations about our feelings. There have been some hard times. In some of those times we've lost patience, raised our voices, but we're both careful not to utter words that are impossible to take back later. In the really hard times we've banded together more strongly, done what was needed, and come out on the other side. Certainly those interchanges have forged a love that talking could not do.

But none of that really helps me with anyone else, does it? My therapist is the least threatening person I've ever talked to, but I still can't meet her eyes when there's a really difficult subject to discuss. That's my tell. Avoiding the gaze. Recently I've had to grapple with the difficulty of discussing feelings that are unreasoned, unsummoned, unwelcome even. Feelings that rob me of power and make me vulnerable when revealed. The risk exists of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It would be too easy to discard the inconvenient feelings completely, with all that is connected to them, but how cowardly. How much better to follow the habit of a lifetime and do a revision.

Is it really like Voldemort?? Never saying the name makes him ever more frightening? Uttering the word is the first step, turning him from an otherwordly, all-powerful demon into a manageable, defeatable entity.

I am not bound by formless, volitionless impulses. I am bound neither to blindly accept their existence, nor to run wildly from the fear they invoke. There is middle ground. There can be first, second, third revisions, ad infinitum. The draft will never be ready for publishing. That's the way life goes when you're living it and not sitting on the sidelines watching.

Rose

Chemistry is frustrating- dream journal

2010-01-22T06:51:00.000-08:00

I was sitting on an ottoman in a college chemistry class with the kids I graduated from high school with. The teacher kept doing calculations on the board, but I didn't understand anything. I kept raising my hand and asking for explanations, but he couldn't help me. After class, I went up to ask him what I could do. "My math is weak." I explained. He just gave me a set of homework figures to work on. The frustration was palpable.

sronnoc esor

a Record

2010-01-12T03:02:00.000-08:00

I've neglected this poor blog ever since I joined Facebook. Yesterday, inviting a friend to read my archives here inspired me to read over them myself. I wanted to see what I had to be embarrassed by. I guess I've written my share of whiny posts here, but I always figured that venting was an important use for a blog. If sharing some of my inmost thoughts seems slightly embarrassing, it is nonetheless useful to be reminded of things I would have otherwise forgotten. Reading back over the last four years of my life, I appreciate the journey, and wonder if the next four years will take me as far. In 2009 I went on a diet, lost 25 pounds, started biking, and renewed a lease for the first time since jc and I have been married. It's nice to have a record.

rc

old man- dream journal

2009-09-11T15:10:00.000-07:00

I was at work. I went down the hall to ask the old man if he wanted to take a shower. It was still very early in the morning. I noticed that he had forgotten to flush the toilet, and flushed it on my way into the room, calling out to him. I had to move his aluminum Klein bicycle to get into the bathroom, and noticed that the tires were flat. I had to move two wheelchairs, too, before moving the shower chair into the shower. He was sitting on the toilet, but said he didn't want a shower. When I tried to convince him, he jumped up and ran off. I chased him, jumping in the cab of the truck just in time for him to take off. I briefly noticed a woman who looked like she was running away, walking beside the road before my attention was diverted by traffic. Suddenly I was the one driving, but I couldn't reach the controls. We were going way too fast on the narrow road on the side of the mountain. We finally came to a stop, somehow winding up in a room. The woman who had been running away had an accomplice now. She panicked when she realized that we had seen her, pulling out a gun. I ducked behind the stairs and motioned the old man to get down. She fired a shot way too near the old man, but still missed him. He crumpled to the floor in a heap, too scared to move. The woman and her accomplice ran off down the hall, and I picked up the old man and walked off the other direction, trying to find my way back through the maze of hallways. In a place where two building seemed to be joined together, I asked someone in the hall for directions. She pointed me the same way we were going. When we got back, no one had even missed us. I insisted that we should call the police about the shots that had been fired, but no one seemed concerned. The day shift was arriving. Time to go home.

Sronnoc Esor

Spring is Here! (not technically)

2009-03-13T15:23:00.000-07:00

It was a lovely, sunny day here. Buds are out on the trees. Spring flowers are blooming. Folks are eating lunch at sidewalk cafe tables. I had an iced coffee.

My ink was finished yesterday. After about two hours work, I have a lovely piece of artwork with deep meaning for me.

Life is good.

Rose

Escape From the City

2009-03-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

As I sat sipping my latte this morning, it began to snow. Delighted as a child at this development, I decided to go for a ride. It snowed huge flakes the whole time I was on the streetcar. Later, when the train emerged from the dark tunnel, the hillside was covered with snow, fluffy flakes sticking to the firs.

I got off at Tualatin Hills Nature Park and walked down the path into the forest. It had stopped snowing, but the day was dark, with scattered raindrops falling. A doe and her year-old fawn stepped out from the trees to browse on new leaves emerging from dry shoots. The stark white belly of a brown creeper rivaled the face of the black-capped chickadee as the brightest spot in the dark wood. A ruby-crowned kinglet flitted about, acrobatically dangling from the underside of the branches. The marsh wren, with it's striking eye stripe danced along the boggy riverside.

As I admired the chest-jutting song of the winter wren, the sun broke through, sparkling off the new raindrops clinging to the branches. I lowered the hood of my jacket, delightfully drinking it all in.

Rose

Rock Dove

2009-02-22T15:09:00.001-08:00

English Sparrow

2009-02-22T12:49:00.000-08:00

Crow

2009-02-22T12:47:00.001-08:00

Progress

2009-02-22T12:34:00.000-08:00

Those of you who talk to me regularly already know that I found a therapist. I consider it (in a way) a very good milepost that she didn't make me dig deep this week because she thought I seemed to happy and didn't want to wreck my happiness.

We're starting to have warm days. Spring is on my mind.

rc

I'm Okay

2009-01-29T15:28:00.000-08:00

It's occurred to me that I write far more introspective, angsty posts than I do happy, contented ones. There are obvious reasons for that. If you read my high school diaries, (which you can't, because I destroyed them) you'd see that tendency clearly exhibited. Anyway, as far as I know, no one is eternally mad at me and things aren't really as bad as I made them sound. Thanks to the readership for tolerating a little bipolarity at times.

We're enjoying an amazing amount of sunny weather for January in Portland. I'm loving the new job, and even found a new bus route that cuts my transit time by twenty minutes or so. I'm making a tentative start at an exercise regime-only two days in, we'll see how that goes.

I've even been thinking about writing the dreams again. There have been some real doozies lately.

Rose

Deja Vu or Emotional Rambling

2009-01-25T04:30:00.000-08:00

I wonder. Am I destined to go through life making all the same mistakes over and over? Because I'm starting to see a pattern. Can I outlive the mistakes of the past? Can I right the wrongs I've instigated? Can I earn back the trust of those who love me? There's so much work to be done. I'm afraid of what might happen. Now, more than ever, I'm grateful for jc's seeming unconditional love and support. I'm not sure that there's any sense in apologies, because there's no way to undo what I've done. It's been my rule not to regret the past, but I find myself regretting my behavior nonetheless. I need help picking up the pieces.

rose

Forty Year Blizzard

2008-12-28T08:51:00.000-08:00

I was so excited when the weather forecast a few weeks ago predicted snow. The morning I woke up to see white, fluffy flakes coating everything and still falling I went out with the camera and trekked all over. We only got a few inches that day, but the cold weather stuck around in a very uncharacteristic fashion. We wound up with something like a foot of snow, an odd inch or so of ice, and plenty of steadily below-freezing mercuries before Christmas week was over.
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I braved the worst of the storm to trek to work by streetcar, bus, and train, with a fair amount of walking tossed in for good measure. The city slowed to a creep during the worst days, with lots of hospital employees sleeping at work, most of the restaurants closed, and skiers and snowshoers in the streets.
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I woke yesterday to pleasant temperatures near fifty, and a Portland that looked more familiar without its coating of snow. The detritus left behind made it look like people had believed the snow would remain forever: cigarette butts, trash, and other messes that people would normally pick up, now exposed by the thaw.
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Rose

Another Park

2008-11-16T20:48:00.000-08:00

Everything is so closeby here. I went for a walk, intending to catch the bus to the park. Before I knew it, I was there. It was a lovely, warm, sunny, fall day and Imeandered through the park snapping photos to my heart's content. jc was up when I got back, and we went to Marrakesh for a lovely Morroccan five-course meal, complete with ritual handwashing by the server. I sat on a cushion on the floor, and we ate with our hands. At the end, our hands were sprinkled with a fragrant scented water, and mint tea left a pleasant taste in the mouth.

Another perfect day.

Rose

The Park

2008-11-16T13:20:00.000-08:00

This park is just a few blocks from the apartment. There is a fountain in summer, with children cooling off from the heat. Yesterday, people were playing bocce, tossing the football, and walking their dogs. There's so much to see and do!

Rose

Fight Hate

2008-11-15T12:23:00.000-08:00

I woke up in time to walk to South Park Blocks for the GLTB rally, stopping for a pumpernickel salt bagel on the way. I was disappointed by the size of the crowd and the lack of organization, but it was heartwarming to see gays and lesbians who had shown up to let their voices be heard, so many of them with children. It makes me smile to see these beautiful, loving families with happy children. It angers me that people who sit at home taking their own civil rights for granted would try to strip others of the simple right to marry and adopt children into loving families. There is nothing more hypocritical than that. The Harvey Milk biopic premiered here last night. The top picture is a quote of his. Below is a straight family who showed up to join the protest. Here's hoping that future years find us repealing proposition 8 and similar measures and giving equal rights to all.

a bit of the Pearl

2008-11-09T13:19:00.000-08:00

I stepped out to the Jewish deli this morning for their Nova lox on a pumpernickel bagel. On the way back, I snapped a few random shots of the neighborhood. I've been dying to get out and photograph foliage, but I've been busy with the new job every day this week, and moving before that. Today it's raining a little. Maybe the sun will come out later.

Moved

2008-11-01T11:50:00.000-07:00

We're installed in our new high rise loft apartment. Boxes surround us. It's the favorite time for the kitties. Lots of places to play. Odds and ends remain to be completed before we give back keys from the old place. I've accepted a new job. Orientation starts Monday, followed by classes every day next week, and finally floor orientation the following week. I'll be floating to eleven different floors, and I get two nights orientation on each floor before being on my own. My first night alone will be the first or second week of January. That's more orientation than I got in my first job as a new nurse. I also get an annual public transportation pass. I'll be taking the bus to work and trying to sell the Titan. I'm loving the convenience of being in the city. My favorite so far is the food carts. A mile's walk and five bucks gets me Mexican, Thai, Vietnamese, Greek, Lebanese, Japanese, Korean or Polish cuisine. That's a real bargain, and I get some exercise. Who needs to cook?

rc

random dream journal

2008-11-01T11:46:00.000-07:00

Granny was acting strangely. Don't remember the details.

We had a party on the deck for extended family. The guests, including Uncle Junior, were smoking and dropping lit butts and matches on the nicely finished wood deck. Once the deck actually started to catch fire and had to be put out. I started yelling and cursing at them to stop, then stormed off inside.

I went to a movie with a bunch of teenage girls. As I was leaving, Big M and Uncle George came in for the next showing. I made my way through a maze of seats to tell them that they weren't going to like it.

I was somewhere with XBFRN. Can't remember the details.

Sronnoc Esor

New Beginnnings

2008-10-21T15:20:00.000-07:00

Moving day is Saturday. I should be spending more time packing.
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We're going to see Spring Awakenings tomorrow.
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I accepted a job on the float pool at Providence working 3 eight hour nights.
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I'm excited about all these things.
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rc

dream journal

2008-10-13T11:15:00.000-07:00

A man disguised his wife as an indentured servant for the Atlantic voyage. Her English was flawless and she was obviously a lady. The woman who pretended to be his wife spoke and dressed coarsely.

We followed the guide/teacher on a tour. I missed the elevator that the group got on and I didn't know which floor they went to. The elevator I got in took me to the eighth floor. When the doors opened, a young man and woman who had been leaning against the elevator doors making out nearly tumbled in. I went down to the fifth floor where I found the group. They were discussing a sick patient and wondering why the family didn't realize that the patient would never recover. When the group left, I noticed that two family members had been hiding in the room.

A man threw a house party. He invited me, but then ignored me. I think I was related to him. When everyone ordered dinner out, I used his credit card to pay. My sister wasn't sure it was a good idea. The man was a mathematician. He wore a pill cutter on the forefinger of each hand to help him do math. I offered to put the pill cutters away while he was sitting in the living room visiting with his guests, and he became angry and told me to go away. I went to get my coat in Granny's den where several guests were sitting.

The water supply was unusual.

sronnoc esor

News

2008-10-12T16:02:00.000-07:00

signed lease for Pearl district apartment
move-in is October 25
promising interview Friday- waiting for job offer
too antsy too sit in the house- off to downtown

Update or I Like the City

2008-10-09T10:54:00.000-07:00

The above picture was taken at The Grotto. The statuary depicts St. Francis of Assissi, who must have something to do with peace, considering his companions.

jc and I have been spending a lot of time downtown. Quite ironically, we moved to the part of the city that is most nearly identical to the tired, boring, small town we were trying to escape. In addition, our 25-year old condo is badly in need of maintenance and repairs, and the association has decided to go all out now, with roofing and paving going on every day. There's no end in sight. So we started looking at apartments downtown. jc wanted to live downtown to start out with, and we knew that this place was just a way to get to the city. We found a great loft, and we're just waiting for the details to be approved, so we should be moving in a few weeks.

Spending time in the city changes how I think about myself. I find myself thinking more about my appearance than I ever did. In former podunk outpousts where the universal dress code is either coveralls or baggy sweatpants, I've had little motivation to do any better than jeans and a t-shirt. When I have the treat of looking at people who are well-dressed and pleasant, I want to do the same myself.

It surprises me how much I enjoy the city. I grew up as a simple country girl, but every day that I spend in the city, I enjoy it more. Yesterday, I went alone; riding the train, going to the library, reading a book in a coffee shop. It was a successful day. I'll do it again.

More Ambiguity

2008-09-26T21:12:00.000-07:00

This blog has always been, in some ways, a place of relative ambiguity . It's inconvenient for me to write in detail on this forum about deeply personal matters. I can discuss my feelings much more freely than the reasons for them. I stopped crying today for the most part. The tears that did come today were completely different from the ones from before. As I told jc, in Scenario A there is something that I thought would make me happy and something that made me very sad. Scenario B involves something that disappoints me somewhat and something that makes me very happy. So I chose Scenario B. I have a twinge of regret over missing out on Scenario A, but I'm not turning back.

rc

Happiness

2008-09-25T10:03:00.000-07:00

When I was in my early teens, I spent the summer working as a waitress at a summer camp. One of my weekend duties was to clean between groups. As I was cleaning the lodge one week, I encountered a woman who was still there because she was ill. Yet she was sitting up in bed smiling and laughing with her family.

Since then, I've observed this phenomenon many times, but that first experience really stuck with me. The terminal patients on the oncology floor where we did clinicals in nursing school often surprised me in the same way. After reading the chart of a woman who had a very grim prognosis, I went into her room and found her happily listening to Stevie Nicks on headphones. We dreaded those patients the most, but maybe they taught us the most. Not about medicine, but about life.

Today my lovely friend Shewcbn reminded me not to spend life chasing happiness, but to simply choose happiness. I agree with her. I've had some hard days lately and cried a lot of tears, and it isn't over by any means. But this morning in bed, I forced myself to breathe deeply, fully exhale, and go to a happy place, just like I tell nervous hospital patients to do. And despite these difficult days, my happy place is still there, and I can still be happy in it.

rc

Tooth Fairy- dream journal

2008-09-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

I was sitting with Grandma Comfort, telling her about my recurring dream. I told her that it involved walking from her house, up the mountain, and trying to come out at Big M's house near Port Matilda.

I was in a car with Dorothy Wert and Peg Hisson, going on a trip. We stopped at a remote house, high on the hillside to talk to someone sitting in a car in the parking lot. I decided to get out and walk. I had to negotiate over an area of large boulders and wooden pilings before coming out onto the path.

Next I found myself walking the route that I had described. It had changed into that recurring twilight, wooded corridor. I passed a military looking, open vehicle with two men it. I was concerned that they would try to stop me, but the paid no attention. I walked for a while, then suddenly I had a bicycle. I saw two cyclists coming up fast behind me, so I moved to the side in an alcove to let them by. I saw it was a white-haired couple. They said they weren't really going they fast. They were going to the doctor. They asked me if I believed in radiating poison of some kind that kills earthworms on contact. I said that I couldn't believe in it since I had never heard of it happening. I held the door for them, and they went insisde the hospital.

A tiny little boy was running down the hallway. He tripped, hit his mouth, and knocked a tooth out. I stooped to pick him up and saw that he had a full mouth of teeth despite the fact that he didn't look any older than eighteen months. There was no bleeding and he didn't seem to mind the missing tooth. I stepped into a nearby door and asked where he belonged. They sent me around the corner, where his nurse hadn't really seemed to miss him. I had dropped the tooth somewhere. I was helping the nurse with a procedure on the little boy when a woman who I perceived to be my staffing coordinator came rushing in to tell me they needed me elsewhere because the old lady I had held the door for was dead. I hurried away to help, stopping along the way to find the lost tooth.

Sronnoc Esor

It's Complicated

2008-09-23T18:22:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a long time. That's partly because gas prices have kept me at home, so I've been nowhere to either write about or take pictures of. It's also partly because I'm somewhat introspective and slightly troubled. It's not anything that I'm ready to talk about, but it's occupying my mind more and more.

rc

Beets!

2008-09-10T13:47:00.000-07:00

I love to grow things, but I'm really bad it it; so I get really excited by small degrees of success. Just to have my seeds come up is a major accomplishment. For my beets to actually be leafy and green and pretty is unbelievably exciting. I'm beginning to entertain the possibility that I'll actually have beets to eat. As a matter of fact, I'm planning to thin these crowded plants and eat the greens today.

In other matters, Ki'il and the Scholar moved to town this week. I'm looking forward to having someone here to meet for coffee. In an optimistic move, I checked The Basic Writings of C.G. Jung out of the library. We'll see how far I get. I'm halfway through at least six books already.

I'm ready for the rains! Have I said that before? I ordered a raincoat. Pics when it arrives.

Rose

IRFD- Barely Flipped

2008-09-07T20:19:00.000-07:00

I sat on the train home from the city late this afternoon, thinking about how it was the second annual International Rock Flipping Day and I still hadn't flipped any rocks. I snapped this shot from the bridge.

When I got home, I realized that the dying light didn't give me long to flip, so I headed down the blocked off, dead-end, city street we live on to search for rocks.

I came to this rock-like barricade, much too heavy to lift, but sitting on lots of limestone.

I flipped a few small rocks and was disappointed by fallen leaves. Then I turned this rock over and found ant larvae and this vaguely snail-like looking creature

Another large pile of manufactured rock on top of more rock. If you watched long enough you might see something crawl out of the cracks here. I only saw candy bar wrappers, crushed aluminum cans, and the ashes of a forgotten campfire.

I turned back before heading up the lane to snap this shot of the waxing moon shining over the Willamette River. By now, the bats were swooping in their erratic arcs, a garter snake scurried across the cracked macadam looking for a hole to hide in, and the street light glowed the same pink as the last rays of the fading sun.

Rose

International Rock Flipping Day 2008 (links)

2008-09-07T20:03:00.000-07:00

Rock-Flipping Day Reports

Pohanginapete (Pohangina Valley, Aotearoa/New Zealand)
Blaugustine (London, England)
Nature Remains (Ohio, USA)
Pensacola Daily Photo (Florida, USA)
KatDoc’s World (Ohio, USA)
Notes from the Cloud Messenger (Ontario, Canada)
Brittle Road (Texas [?])
Sherry Chandler (Kentucky, USA)
osage + orange (Illinois, USA)
Rock Paper Lizard (British Columbia, Canada)
The Crafty H (Virginia, USA)
Chicken Spaghetti (Connecticut, USA)
A Passion for Nature (New York, USA)
The Dog Geek (Virginia, USA)
Blue Ridge blog (North Carolina, USA)
Bug Girl’s Blog (Midwestern US)
chatoyance (Austin, Texas)
Riverside Rambles (Missouri, USA)
Pines Above Snow(Maryland, USA)
Beth’s stories (Maine, USA)
A Honey of an Anklet (Virginia, USA)
Wanderin’ Weeta (British Columbia, Canada)
Fate, Felicity, or Fluke (Oregon, USA)
The Northwest Nature Nut (Oregon, USA)
Roundrock Journal (Missouri, USA)
The New Dharma Bums (California, USA)
The Marvelous in Nature (Ontario, Canada)
Via Negativa (Pennsylvania, USA)
Mrs. Gray’s class, Beatty-Warren Middle School (Pennsylvania, USA)
Cicero Sings (British Columbia, Canada)

Via Negativa has the complete description and link list for IRFD. Thanks for hosting, Dave!

Angelic...

2008-09-03T16:05:00.000-07:00

...definitely doesn't describe me. I'd love to get outside to get rid of some of my bluesy, bored, irritable mood, but it's simply too sunny and hot. I'm seriously ready for the rains to start! I ordered a new coat, specifically intended for rainy days in the city. I'm irritated with the company for being so slow about sending it, even though I have no use for it whatever at the moment. I'm obsessed with political coverage of this very fascinating, historic election, but I'm irritated with that too. Even my five pound bag of nacho chips with all the appropriate toppings isn't cheering me up at the moment. I'm going to brew a fresh pot of tea and be as unpleasant as possible. That just how I feel.

not so rosy

2008-09-01T12:11:00.000-07:00

The Grotto

2008-08-31T13:40:00.000-07:00

The Grotto is the location of a Servite monastery and chapel. The Grotto itself is a shrine carved out of the rock cliff. Outdoor mass is held there weekly throughout the summer. An elevator takes you to the top, where there is a lovely garden dotted with religious sculpture. Pictured above is the Peace Pole. The inscription is repeated in three other languages on the other sides of the pole, and it guards the entrance to the Peace Garden. I wandered the gardens while the Sunday crowd attended mass at the chapel at the foot of the cliff. I stopped in the meditation chapel to read familiar words from the Tao Te Ching: words I've been repeating like a mantra lately, "things arise and she lets them come, things disappear and she lets them go." The monastery is here, secluded, at the top of the cliff; and I can imagine the peace and solitude the garden must offer at sunrise and dusk, when it is closed to the public. I thought about staying to attend mass, but the spirit of the garden had already filled my soul, and I didn't want to chance spoiling it.

Rose

p.s. Click here to view all of today's photos on Flicker.

Morning

2008-08-25T22:15:00.000-07:00

After four straight nights at work, something I am unaccustomed to, I couldn't sleep last night. I was still up in the morning, so I drove over the Washington border to Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge. It's a lovely wetland with an auto tour route. When I got there the mist was still settled over the swamps and meadows and the sky was tinged with the pink sunrise. Birds were atwitter everywhere.

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Tonight, a warm summer rain is falling on us.
Rose

Food Meme

2008-08-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

Rules: bold are things I've eaten, italics I have attempted and nearly retched on, and strikethroughs are things I would never put in my mouth. Here we go!

You'll notice there are no strikethroughs. I haven't met anything I wouldn't try. No italics either.

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari- an old favorite
12. Pho- a new favorite
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries -like Brer Rabbit: "Bawn and bred in a briar patch"
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters-the sweetest oysters ever came from our late home: Winchester Bay
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut- Wonderful memories of making it as a child.
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel- eel rolls- another favorite
49. Krispy Kreme
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV.
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe- at 70% alcohol, too boozy for me, but I'd try a sip
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu- unlikely to drink this
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox -yet another favorite
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta Especially fried. With syrup.
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

Everything's Great When You're... Downtown

2008-08-09T17:48:00.000-07:00

Since getting back from my trip, I've signed up for several nights at work, but haven't been needed. SPM was here a few nights ago en route somewhere else, so we had a delightful visit with him. Yesterday we watched the opening ceremony in Beijing, which I was simply fascinated by.

We took advantage of a weekend off work and went to the Portland Saturday Market today. It was crowded with people and food and booths of great arts and crafts. Then we sauntered over to the Art Museum for the Klaus Moje glasswork display they have up. Of course we never go to the art museum without stopping to see Monet's Water Lilies. It was a perfect day without too much sun, and yet still without rain.

Now I'm going to watch the Olympics with jc and eat salty snacks. If I'm going to be lazy, I might as well enjoy it.

rc

Da Vinci and Mary Magdalene

2008-08-06T16:35:00.000-07:00

It seems somewhat ironic that I received the Bock book in the mail from Laura just days after watching a History channel special on the same subject, but I should begin at the beginning.

I haven't shared with a lot of people, primarily because they didn't ask, that reading Dan Brown's book instigated my first crisis of faith. I feel kind of exposed writing about it here, yet I have no compunction about sharing my story with anyone who is interested, so I will attempt to shed my self-consciousness and write openly. Many fundamentalists, as is their habit, warned churchgoers against reading The DaVinci Code when it was first published to widespread acclaim. I didn't initially have much interest, but jc brought it home from the library, so I read it.

Admittedly, I've always been a sucker for historical fiction, trying to separate the true from the invented. In this case, I was already primed for doubt. I wouldn't want anyone to misconstrue my story to mean that a fictional story caused the disintegration of my faith: quite the contrary. The very fact that I could entertain Dan Brown's fabulous hypothesis indicates that I must have already been engulfed in doubts that I had, until then, failed to recognize.

Coming face to face with my doubt sent me into a tailspin of emotional distress. My faith had been constructed on a framework whose basic tenet was the divinity of Jesus Christ. I can look back and acknowledge that a wife and child need not have negated Jesus' godhood, but at the time the two seemed necessarily mutually exclusive. Nor does frank examination of the evidence available seem to provide proof of either to me. Both the History channel special and the Bock book expose reasons why Dan Brown's claims are full of holes. I am even led to wonder whether Brown bears some malice toward the Catholic church, which prompted some of his fantastic notions.

You may want to ask: if The DaVinci Code doesn't get the credit for my change in beliefs, what does? I was raised in the protective bubble of Biblical fundamentalism. I attended Christian school and Christian college, worked at Christian summer camps, and even taught at a Christian school. I had little exposure to secular science or philosophy until my late twenties. I was taught literal, six-day creationism, and school science texts routinely debunked radiocarbon dating, and cited misconstrued fossil findings as evidence against evolution. Fundamentalists hold that obscure Bible passages and accounts such as creation are all equally true. The truth of the whole is integrally linked to the truth of individual parts. When I began to learn what science has discovered about the origins of the earth, and the history of mankind, I had to reject a 6,000 year old earth and the Adam-and-Eve story of man's origins.

It took several years for my concerns to accumulate to the point, that I rejected the Bible as truth outright. It has been about a year now since I felt that it was important to share my change in beliefs with my family. As I continue to read and learn, I do not regret the path I have chosen. I have more questions than ever, and yet I have no burning need to have the answers. I relish speculating on the questions. I describe myself as agnostic or freethinker, and I have no doubt that many would dismiss my views as secular humanist, a term that my upbringing uses to sneer at those who believe, as I now do, that how I treat people that I can see is more important than what I believe about a god who may or may not exist.

I've come a long way since reading The DaVinci Code, but I don't regret a single step.

Rose

Recovery

2008-07-30T20:29:00.000-07:00

I'm still in recovery from vacation. I had to renew my CPR certification yesterday, so that was a slight deviation, but we made it up with a trip to Nicholas restaurant, where I had the vegetarian mezza with lairan, a middle eastern yogurt drink. This afternoon I walked to the supermarket and picked up a Cabernet and a nice smoked pepper cheddar, which I am now enjoying.

Rose

Back Home

2008-07-28T12:53:00.000-07:00

The few days I had at Mother and Father's flew by. Mr. Clean and his brood were there. The baby is beautiful, and I took every opportunity to "babysit". Baptist Nun was there and Big M and Little M came over every day. Robin and A.E. showed up Friday night, so all the siblings were together briefly for the first time in years.

I slept in the yard in a tent until it turned rainy. I slept at Big M's one night, and on the floor of the living room. My bed at home was welcome after all that.

We had lots of good meals, laughed until I stopped breathing playing Balderdash, had a picnic with extended family, and went to prayer meeting, where I had a wonderful chat with my old piano teacher.

SheWCBN took me to the Waffle House for breakfast and wonderful girl talk. We even stopped at a yard sale.

It was a pleasant trip "back home" and I'm happy as can be to be truly back home now.

Rose

Nostalgia

2008-07-23T12:44:00.000-07:00

Every time I go back to Pennsylvania, I get a sort of fuzzy feeling when I see familiar things. This trip was no exception. I even saw a 17-year "locust" or cicada. Actually they were quite vocal at the campground. I was born in the year of the locusts, so this is their third trip for me. I went for a long tramp in the woods and drank in the musty familiar smell and got the insect bites to show for it. I walked through poison ivy without contracting it. I ate Middleswarth barbecue chips, scrapple, ring bologna, and lebanon bologna: some of my favorite junk foods. Little M made the familiar macaroni saddle with homemade mayonaise dressing. If you know what all that stuff is, you just might have grown up near me.

rc

Girls' Day

2008-07-22T23:00:00.000-07:00

My cousin Gaia left the kids with a babysitter and we set out for a fun day. We shopped, went for a hike, got a bite to eat, and visited the family graves. But mostly we just talked. The best kind of day.

Rose

Little Buffalo State Park

2008-07-21T23:00:00.000-07:00

A day at the pool was welcome after a week of activities. I relaxed in the shade while XBFRN darkened on an adjacent sunny patch of grass. For lunch, Dominic made me an unbelievable sandwich at Original Italian Pizza in Newport. I wrapped it up and had the rest for dinner before sitting on the grassy hill to watch the fireflies and bats come out.

Rose

Riding the Rails

2008-07-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

I woke up early, feeling like a new person after a good rest. I took the subway to the Amtrak station, dodging early morning heat that must never have dissipated overnight. I relaxed in my seat with my iPod and drank in the scenery from my window seat as we passed town after scenic town with lovely bays full of sailboats. At Penn Station, I was part of a crowded mass of humanity, all looking for the right train platform. The train stopped in a cornfield in Pennsylvania; the conductor explained that there was an electrical problem, but we were only twenty minutes late.

rc

Boston

2008-07-19T23:00:00.000-07:00

I dropped Robin and A.E. off at the airport, returned the rental car, took the train to my hostel to check in and store my luggage, and set out to explore the city. I walked through the park down Commonwealth Avenue, admiring the architecture and taking in the monuments. I especially enjoyed the inscriptions on the Women's Memorial. I lingered in the shade in the Public Garden, enjoying the cool beauty of the park. As I emerged from the Boston Common to see the Old State House, it started to get hot. I had left my water bottle at the cottage when I needed it the most.

I meandered slowly down the freedom trail, making the most of shady nooks, buying an apple in an outdoor market, and a bottle of juice in Fanieul Hall. I got swept up by the crowd in a huge outdoor market that seemed to be one-way only, and envied the children running through fountains in the park. By the time I reached the Italian neighborhood where Paul Revere's house is, I was wilting from the heat. I lingered in a souvenir shop for a while before heading straight for the subway station and back to the hostel.

Back at the hostel, I slept fourteen hours, rather the worse for my hot day, but having enjoyed the sights nonetheless.

Rose

Last Day

2008-07-18T23:00:00.000-07:00

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We stayed at the cottage for our last day, swimming, playing on the swingsets, handwashing some laundry, and cleaning out the refrigerator. In the evening we went for one last walk in downtown sandwich and stopped at the Bean and Bagel for iced coffee and a muffin. A.E. could hardly tear herself away from the basket of children's books they had there, preferring it even to her chocolate muffin, or cupcake as she referred to it. A strange woman dug through the basket of newspapers to find a map of Cape Cod and inexplicably flexed her bicep at us in imitation.
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rc

The Boat that Works

2008-07-17T23:00:00.000-07:00

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Our grand plans for the Nantucket Ferry or whale watching seemed far too grand this near the end of a busy week. We settled on the Duckmobile instead. A restored U.S. military amphibious vehicle is the ride for a brief tour of town and the harbor, replete with corny jokes from the guide and quacking in unison at passersby. A.E. was enthralled, grinning broadly the entire time.
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rc

Fancy Tea

2008-07-16T23:00:00.000-07:00

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Today we went to storytime again. A.E. was bored by the story, but fascinated when Miss Mary brought the frog out to "pat". Froggie obliged by getting away and causing a scene.
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We went to the tea room at lunchtime for "fancy tea". We consumed a pot of something light and fruity known as Courtship Tea, accompanied by cheese, bread, fruit, and a spicy chutney.
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Following a tip, we made the drive to Wood's Hole, where we were told there was a free aquarium with a touching pool for kids. We did slightly more driving in circles than touches ocean life, and the touch pool turned out to be mostly full of seashells.
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For dinner, I had my much awaited Ipswich clams, which were somehow unsatisfying. We were happy to make it back to the cottage to swim and swing to our hearts' content.
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rc

Mayflower II

2008-07-15T23:00:00.000-07:00

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A.E., lured by the promise of going on a boat, was distinctly disappointed by the hot, crowded Mayflower, which simply sits at the harbor. She insisted, "I want to go on a boat that works!" We promised to make good on that later in the week.
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rc

Plimouth Plantation

2008-07-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

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On this hot day, we would have chosen the shade of the Wampanoag Village with the longhouses and cool clothing to the dusty, fenced Plimouth Plantation, where the women wore layers of quilted clothing to hoe corn. The view above is from the meeting house, where the downstairs housed the church and the upstairs housed the cannons. It seems that religion and violence were unseparable even then.
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Rose

Wampanoag Village

2008-07-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

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the Native American ambassadors to the English immigrants at Plimouth Colony.
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rc

Sandwich

2008-07-14T23:00:00.000-07:00

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We went to the Thornton Burgess house for storytime. We got there early and explored a historic graveyard, where we watched a hawk hunting for breakfast, and rescued a Little Piggy from the Big Bad Wolf. We drank the sweet water from the public drinking fountain at the grist mill. Miss Mary delighted the children with one of Burgess' animal stories and then introduced the children to an albino garter snake, which delighted A.E.. She played in the pond, startling a frog with its protuberant eyes emerging from the green surface of the water.
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rc

Banned

2008-07-13T23:00:00.000-07:00

We took a drive down the Cape today, drinking in the quaint sights. We stopped at this cute beach. Before we were out of the car, I was approached by a teenage girl in red shorts who we had seen seated on the sidewalk on the way in.

"Do you have a pass?" she queried.

"Where do I get one?" I replied.

She began to give me directions before asking, "Are you a resident?"

"No." I answered.

The conversation changed from there. "This beach is for residents only."

We looked for a sign on the way out, but still didn't see one. This was our first taste of the real New England, but there was more to come.

Rose

to the Cape

2008-07-12T23:00:00.000-07:00

Bleary-eyed after the red-eye from Portland, I napped at the baggage claim while waiting for Robin and A.E. to arrive. Their baggage arrived, and I pulled it from the conveyor and stacked it with my own. Finally, my tall, pigtailed sister, and sunny, towheaded niece came down the escalator. We caught the rental car shuttle, completed the check-in process, and found a gray Mustang waiting in the assigned spot. We took a rather scenic route to the Cape and checked into our cottage.
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A.E. had her Dora suitcase opened when we were barely inside, pulling out her Dora bathing suit. We were equally happy to dip in the pool for relief after a warm, busy day. We played on the swing set after our swim, then went for groceries, and went to bed.
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Rose

Ranunculus

2008-07-10T13:44:00.000-07:00

Busy Packing

2008-07-10T10:30:00.000-07:00

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Wow, I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to log onto Blogger again. I've been checking every day to no avail; but finally, here I am. I'm leaving tomorrow for Cape Cod with Robin and A.E., then a quick sightseeing tour on my own in Boston, and a train ride to Pennsylvania to visit XBFRN, my cousin Gaia, and my parents, where all the siblings will briefly be gathered.
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I loved the Sperry sandals that I got for vacation last year so much that they're already wearing out, so jc found me new ones in three colors. I should be able to write something more thrilling after such a long hiatus. I'm pretty sure I've thought of a few blog posts that I've been unable to write. If Blogger keeps working, maybe I'll find some inspiration before I leave.
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rc

Urban Wilderness

2008-06-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

The two women with dogs passed me seemingly effortlessly on the uphill climb. The path leveled out and I caught my breath and pulled the apple I had brought for breakfast out of my bag. As I finished the apple and tossed the core far over the steep, forested slope, the trail wound upwards once again. Disheartened at the prospect, I turned back for the easier return trip. I was attempting to photograph a flashy, orange turks-head lily when I heard a loud, high-pitched chattering. I looked up to see the unmistakable red crests of several pileated woodpeckers on a far-off tree trunk.

Somehow the morning was magically transformed in that single moment. My nostrils were filled with the pungent, earthy aroma of the forest floor with its decaying leaf layer. The sweet, clear notes of birdsong filled the air, relegating the sounds of traffic to a distant, forgotten land. My eyes drank in green in shady tones and sunlit tones. Even the warm morning air, which had already caused me to shed the light jacket I had worn, seemed to soften; stirring the leaves and cooling my face.

By the time the trail turned to limestone and the traffic noise began to crescendo again, my morning walk had become full of the magic of this wild place, so close to the city, and yet so far away.

Rose

New Decor

2008-06-25T21:07:00.000-07:00

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Ki'il wanted to get me a plant for a housewarming gift, so we chose these greens and potted them this afternoon.
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rc

Downtime

2008-06-24T18:26:00.000-07:00

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After a nice weekend at work, I've just been relaxing and hanging out with Ki'il. We drank margaritas Sunday night, yesterday we went to the movies to see SATC, and today we went to Sauvie Island and picked strawberries. The weather has been perfect: sunny and breezy but not too hot. Tonight, Ki'il is making a curry that smells really wonderful. Oh, and I gave myself a nice short buzzcut for summer.
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Blogger is still working wretchedly, so I will attempt to post this prosaic post while it still appears to be functional.
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Rose

Friends and Food

2008-06-20T21:26:00.000-07:00

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Ki'il and the Scholar have been here all week. Yesterday, Ki'il and I took the bus to town. We went to Powell's, where I bought a few small books to take with me on vacation. We walked up and down the streets, enjoying the architecture and people watching. We had lunch at a small Japanese restaurant where we shared delicious sushi. Then we strolled through Waterfront Park, taking in the boats, the geese, the bikers and runners and walkers, the yogis, and the ubiquitous springtime lovers lounging in the grass.
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Today we went out for Korean barbecue. We had all manner of delightful Korean foods after suffering through suburban traffic that was much worse than city traffic. Blogger has been fitful, and I've been lazy, therefore the dearth of blogging.
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rc

Dogs and Names

2008-06-15T03:30:00.000-07:00

jc likes to say that our little Shadowhead is his shadow. She really does follow him around a lot. His comment on her name got me thinking about all the dogs we had growing up.

Happy: Mother and Father bought the house they still live in to make room for a second baby when the Baptist Nun was born. Big M was devastated by the idea of the move. He was really attached to the little upstairs apartment in Port Matilda that he'd called home his whole, short life. As a sort of bribe or incentive, Mother and Father promised that he could have a puppy at the new house. Big M didn't really go for it, but they got a collie puppy anyway. She was a friendly, pleasant dog, and I don't remember her causing any more trouble than running off to roam the woods, occasionally for a few days at a time. She was bitten by a copperhead once and the flesh on the bitten leg shriveled. One day we came home from somewhere and went around the side of the house to find Happy's body. It's one of the few times I've seen Big M cry. I think it's safe to say that he wound up liking her better than the apartment after all.

Bandit: I don't remember much about Bandit, our new sheep dog, primarily because she was a One-Man Dog. She was devoted to Big M and they seemed inseparable, but she was barely civil with anyone else. I vaguely remember that she didn't like Father much at all. One day we were driving the mice out of the straw mulch in the potato patch and ending their lives with softball bats. Paul Fisher was there with us, standing at the end of the patch, bludgeoning mice. Bandit must have taken it the wrong way and decided to bite him. That's an unforgivable offence where we come from, and Bandit got a death sentence without benefit of a jury trial. It's what we called "putting her down", but just amounted to Father shooting her. At least that's what I remember.

Deputy: I don't know exactly what breed of mutt Deputy was. Grandmother got Ringo from the same litter, probably from some local farmer. Deputy's besetting sin was chasing cars. That must have been around the time that Father put up the fence around the yard. I think Deputy was finally hit by a car, but I'm not really sure.

Lady: After such bad luck with dogs in a relatively short time, we got a puppy from my cousin's dog. Father postulated that she might grow up to be a nicer dog if she had a more pleasant name. He thought maybe Deputy and Bandit had turned out so badly because of the cowboy names Big M had come up with. So the new puppy was named Lady in hopes that she would be ladlylike. One day Lady treed a raccoon. Everyone knows that 'coons that come out in daylight are likely to be rabid, and there was a possibility that Lady had bitten the 'coon. Father worried about the possibility of rabies and decreed that Lady should be quarantined. He built a long narrow pen with wood floor and wire fencing for walls and put the doghouse at one end. Even after it became obvious that Lady hadn't acquired rabies from her alleged 'coon-biting, she was still confined to the pen. She didn't have much reason to be friendly. Finally Big M took Lady with him to his new house. She died naturally at an advanced age. We found her lying out in the cold rain, but at least she didn't have to die in that pen.

Frohlich: When I moved to Utah, I got a puppy. I wasn't allowed to have an indoor dog where I lived. I don't know if I had shaken the conviction that animals should be kept outdoors by then or not, but Frohlich lived in the fenced yard. She whined and cried so much the first night that I took my sleeping bag outside and slept beside her. She was a Sheltie/Dalmatian cross. She loved to ride in the car, and when she got a chance she loved to run around the neighborhood. The best way to get her to come home was to get in the car. We went for walks and hiked the canyon together. One day when I was climbing rocks, she left the friends who were watching her to follow me and got lost. She survived a week in the wild canyon with no noticeable harm and was finally returned to me. She went back to Pennsylvania with me. One day a neighbor, driving too fast down our narrow lane, hit her. Sometimes I still miss her.

Big M has two new dogs now, one of them an indoor dog. I have my kitties. I don't think the names we give them matter that much; I think the love we give them is more important.

Rose

Back to Sea

2008-06-12T08:58:00.000-07:00

The weather for the Rose Festival was so crummy, and I was so unmovitaved that I never made it down there. I did drive by the Waterfront Village on my usual route to and from work both weekends. The waterfront is always lit up and pretty at night, but it was even nicer with the ships and the Ferris wheel. The ships went downriver by the house on their way out of town.

We finally got the loft bed together and found a mattress. We shopped around and got a pretty good deal. Mattress salesmen can be really sleazy. One guy's price went up $100 in 24 hours. That's worse than gasoline!

Ki'il and the Scholar will be here next week. We missed them and can't wait for them to arrive. (I hope Ki'il brings some of her kimchi.) I got a Korean language CD to listen to on the commute, and that encouraged me to get the computer program going again too.

Today is slated for housecleaning. When I get out of bed, that is.

Rose

A Rainbow View

2008-06-09T19:36:00.000-07:00

Sex and the City- movie review

2008-06-06T09:13:00.000-07:00

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We hadn't been to the movies in years, but for some reason, when I saw this at our little local theater, I suggested to jc that we go. I got a slice of cheese pizza and a Black Butte porter and we found our seats. About thirty minutes into the movie, my cell phone rang. It was Robin. She had just been to see it as well.
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Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha did not fail to deliver. I spent the two hours laughing out loud and wiping tears from my face, and even at one point fighting the urge to break down sobbing. This long-awaited film is a satisfying and fitting finale to the series that we love so much.
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Favorite quote: Charlotte York: "I feel happy every day." Me too, Charlotte.
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Rose

Another View from Home

2008-06-01T18:44:00.000-07:00

If you considered the dearth of original photography coming from me lately, you might think it was December. I'm digging through old images that are still stored in the "Temporary" file, meaning that I was saving them to use. This picture was taken quite a while ago. The view is a lot more leafy now. If Portland can muster a sunny day this week, I should take a new one for comparison.

All is well here.

Rose

Rhodies in the Park

2008-05-30T16:30:00.000-07:00

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After the ubiquitous rhododendrons on the coast, it is a pleasure to see that people in the city have used some creativity in landscaping, but these red rhodies in Cathedral Park looked just right peeking out from between some hardwoods.
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Enjoying a lazy day before going to work tonight.
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Rose

Four Seasons

2008-05-27T18:11:00.000-07:00

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When we lived in Miami, it wasn't uncommon for people from back home to wonder if we didn't miss the four distinct seasons. The time I missed it most was autumn, but there was still a distinction, and my biggest gripe with southern Florida was always the unmitigated heat. The Oregon coast was a much more temperate climate, and I had the impression of seasonal change more there.
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It is only this spring, and now summer, that I have realized just how much the seasons have been absent in the last five years. The landscape seems to have changed completely since the trees leafed. I have had my tree guide out indentifying the types of deciduous trees that make up the fantastic avian habitat outside my balcony. And of course, I've had the bird guide out, identifying its inhabitants.
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Today, I sit on the balcony with my kitty friend. She divides her time between lolling in the sun and fantasizing about hunting my feeder birds. I sit in the shade reading or sipping coffee or just
drinking in the fluffy cumulus, the bright blue sky reflected in the river, the oak and locust and maple and ash, the grosbeak and finch and siskin and warbler, and the gentle breeze.
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Rose

Blogging at Work (gasp)

2008-05-25T04:24:00.000-07:00

For a moment, I wonder why last week went by so fast, why I feel so tired, and why this weekend at work has been such an emotional whirlwind for me. Then I remember, oh yes, I decided to go back on hormonal birth control.
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I haven't mentioned the subject in a long time, but long-time readers and IRL friends know how much and how long I was obsessed with having a baby and how horrifically painful my periods can be. For years now, I've been staying in bed with the heating pad on the first day of my period and popping the occasional Vicodin and lots and lots of Ibuprofen. Given the fact that I don't appear to be getting pregnant anyway, I finally decided to go back on the pill: the one thing that has been proven to keep me pain-free.
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For at least a year now, I've been growing more and more accustomed to the idea that we won't have children, and made peace with the idea that that's okay for me. So this seemed like a good time to get rid of the pain, a move which it took me a while to become emotionally ready for. It took some effort for me not to be angry that, not only will my reproductive system not reproduce, but it is also a major inconvenience. I call it "worse than useless."
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But that wasn't the point. The reason I started writing this (really transparent and personal for me) post was to talk about a little problem I had at work. Only weariness kept me from writing a frustrated rant yesterday morning about the nurse who made morning report so terrible that I was in tears before it was over with. I composed it in my head on the drive home. I meant to write that if I had to give her report every day, I would quit my job. Then I talked to jc about it and remember that the extra hormones I'm taking are making me emotional.
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The surest cure for a bad night at work is a good night at work, so I was happy to come back to work tonight. I'm even happier now that several people have confirmed that the nurse in question is just a good, old-fashioned Meanie and has been reported for her Meanness on more than one occasion. You see, before I knew that, I perceived her behavior as a personal attack. Now I know better.
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I don't have a dictionary in front of me, but I think you could use the word "maudlin" appropriately to discuss my rambling. I better get back to work.
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Rose

Gingko

2008-05-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

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I took this picture of wild gingko growing in a local park a few weeks ago. After working an extra day last weekend, when I really wasn't feeling well anyway, I feel like I could use some of it's reputed energy. I looked at the calendar today only to realize that the whole week had slid by already. I have been busily planning the details of my summer vacation. I'll be meeting Robin and A.E. in Boston for a week on Cape Cod, then heading for Mother and Father's in Pennsylvania, where Mr. Clean and his brood will be visiting.
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I'm also pulling out a summer wardrobe that I have had no need for in the three years since we moved from Miami. We had a record-breaking high of 97 degrees here last week, but it's been overcast and cool since.
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r connors

The White Countess- movie review

2008-05-15T00:32:00.000-07:00

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This is the tale of a sad, blind, American diplomat and a sad, exiled Russian countess in 1930's Shanghai. The sets and costumes are fabulous, the music is delightful; and the fine acting makes a relatively simple story into something far more compelling. We found it exceptionally enjoyable and spellbinding throughout. I think this film deserves a place with the classics.
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rc

Under the Bridge

2008-05-13T18:57:00.000-07:00

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I went for a stroll in the park under the bridge yesterday. Today was my routine yearly doctor's visit. I got an appointment with the nurse practitioner at a neighborhood practice, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that she was really super. It was a kind of gloomy day, but I'm going to try grilling a flat-iron steak on the deck tonight.
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rc

Mayflowers

2008-05-12T21:44:00.000-07:00

Pink Dogwood are prolific in our neighborhood. In this particular yard tulips and forest hyacinths bloom all around. I can't write anything good. It's my birthday, and I want some junk food.

Rose

p.s.- oh, and I'm going to see the Mayflower II this summer.

Shanghaied to Brazil

2008-05-11T22:52:00.000-07:00

We took the bus to the Shanghai Tunnel in Old Town. We had trouble finding the place, it's not the greatest part of town. We walked by a dumpster, a street performer with his hat out, and some scaffolding. We finally found the narrow storefront with a few cafe tables on the sidewalk and a long bar inside with old movies playing on a huge flatscreen television. The bartendener wisely recommended a smooth, flavorful Xingu black beer, all the way from Brazil, for me.
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We walked down the metal steps, past the kitchen into the low, dark basement. From 1850 to 1941 as many as 1500 people a year were snatched from bars and dropped through trapdoors into cells in this and other basements to be sold on the waterfront as slave laborers, earning Portland a dangerous reputation as the "Forbidden City".
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We ordered macaroni and cheese. It came in huge bowls, topped by a fortune cookie. The flavor was indescribably and delightfully unlike anything I have ever tasted. I savored every bite of spicy pasta, tempered by diced, fresh tomatoes. The stereo played interesting music, including Koko Taylor's Insane Asylum. When we first sat down, I was doubtful about the mostly empty room and badly worn seat, but I was won over by the time we walked up the steps, back into a city glowing with the setting sun.
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R. Connors

Bolts

2008-05-08T18:56:00.000-07:00

I sorted out the bolts for the new bed this afternoon. I love to see them all lined up in a row. And I look forward to the assembly soon.

South Park Blocks

2008-05-07T21:53:00.000-07:00

Greening

2008-05-04T17:53:00.000-07:00

Bigleaf Maple Acer macrophyllum

I've been watching the bigleaf maples blooming and leafing since we arrived in Portland. Finally the green is covering the hillside across the river. Today I sit on the shady deck in a tank top, a kitty lolling in the sunny patches and birds coming to the feeders and the blossoming madrone. Maybe later I'll do something. Not now.

Marionberry- Word of the Day

2008-04-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

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Before we moved to the left coast, I had never even heard of marionberries. It is now time to write about them. Based on three years of research, I now feel qualified to say that anything with marionberries in it is the food of the gods. I came to that conclusion today based on the divine marionberry cobbler with vanilla bean ice cream at our local McMenamin's Pub. The rich, fruity, currant-colored substance of the cobbler is unbelievable. The ice cream melts into the steaming cobbler, tempering it's decadence, and making me wish it could go on forever.
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Marionberry.
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Rose

Partly Cloudy, Partly Blurry

2008-04-29T18:11:00.000-07:00

I made a more thorough exploration of Sauvie Island today. It rained off and on, making it a relatively good day for seeing birds. Unfortunately, all I got are these mostly pretty bad pictures of common birds. I was grateful for waterproof shoes as the day's trails led me through tall, wet grass and mud at times. A kind of rainy day has another advantage: you great the great outdoors virtually to yourself.

An enjoyable, relaxing day.

Rose

A Perch

2008-04-27T15:18:00.000-07:00

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I've wanted a bunk bed ever since Mr. Clean and Big M had one growing up. I had to share the full size bed with either the Baptist Nun or Robin. We never actually did much sharing, because the Baptist Nun found me unpleasant to share a bed with. I remember her often sleeping on the sofa. I found every opportunity to sleep places other than the bed. I slept on the floor beside the bed both by choice and because I fell out of bed. I made a secret corner between the bed and the dresser. I had to climb over the headboard to get in, and I would sleep and read in my private space. I slept curled up on top of the dresser more than once. After the Baptist Nun went away, I was the one who didn't like sleeping with my little sister. I slept on the sofa for a while, but when we tore out the big furnace in the basement and put in a smaller coal stove, there was room for a little cot next to the wall. It was small, but I didn't have to share it. I loved to sleep on top of the triple bunk in college. I left the sheets and blankets neatly tucked into the outside edge and slept all the way against the wall so the hall monitor wouldn't be able to tell I was still in bed at room check in the mornings.
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We've been idly thinking about getting a bed for the second bedroom for a while. I wanted to put our bedroom in there, but it just isn't big enough for the king size bed. We want somewhere for people to sleep when they come visit us, but I also think I would sleep better in that room on the days I work, since it's quieter and darker than the master bedroom.
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The problem is that we have too much stuff. We've had plenty of storage space in our previous rentals, and there is room for everything here, but not much extra space for a bed. I finally stumbled upon the obvious answer today: a loft bed. They come in all shapes and sizes. I had decided we only had space for a twin bed, but a loft will allow us to have a full size bed with plenty of room for storage below.
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I wish I knew how to do woodwork so I could make my own. Of course that would be just another opportunity for the unfinished projects that I'm famous for.
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rc

Red-stemmed Filaree

2008-04-26T19:29:00.000-07:00

Erodium cicatarium

This common, non-native yard weed goes by two names: filaree or storksbill. I can't decide which I prefer, but I love to find the beauty in common yard weeds.

In Love with the City of Kooks

2008-04-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

hazy downtown view from Mt. Tabor

We spent another day in town today, doing a few errands and enjoying ourselves. At the end of the day, we sat outside at McMenamin's Ringler's Annex. I was sipping a nice Stout while jc drank a Coke. A large-breasted, bra-less woman purposefully strode up to our table, loudly warning us not to drive under the influence. Against jc's advice, I informed her that we rode the bus. I should've listened; it didn't help at all. I ordered another pint and a chocolate caramel brownie a la mode.

Soon a normal-looking, twenty-something man strolled up to our table:

"Hi. How are you?" he queried.

We'd been waiting for Ben-from-eBay to arrive for a deal, so jc greeted him cordially:

"Are you Ben?"

The answer was self-evident when he replied with:

"Can I ask you about Jesus?"

Most definitely not someone selling an amp. He continued:

"You worship the devil. Even the devil worships Jesus. I used to worship the devil."

As he walked away, I could no longer stifle an outburst of giggling. The reformed devil-worshipper heard and did a funny little dance.

Eventually the real Ben arrived, and I assure you, the attractive, well-travelled, intelligently conversant young man, was at once completely different from the colorful kooks previously encountered and the most pleasantly surprising audiophile jc has ever drug me along on a deal with.

Did I say how much I love this city?

Mottled Trillium

2008-04-23T18:51:00.000-07:00

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After fourteen hours of sleep last night, I'm in much better spirits today. We took the bus downtown for a bite to eat and to run some errands. I had penne pasta with butternut squash, spinach, and mushrooms in a cream sauce followed by tiramisu for dessert at Pastini Pastaria . jc isn't as fond of looking out the bus window and walking in the rain as I am, but I had a grand time.
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(picture from Camassia Natural Area)
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Rose

Complaining about a Fine Day

2008-04-22T14:45:00.000-07:00

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I had a perfectly nice day yesterday, riding the bus around the city, walking up one thousand steps to the top of Mt. Tabor to see the view, dodging a semi-solid rainstorm downtown to catch the bus, lugging my camera all over the city and not gettting a decent shot to show for it. That was the good part, and I enjoyed it immensely. (Really, I did.) I also had a pretty nice time at work, despite a co-worker who treated me like a ten-year old ignoramus. It was the drive home this morning in rush hour traffic that so colored the preceding narrative. Can you call it a drive when you don't go anywhere? Can you call it the freeway when all you're free to do is look at the bumper of the car in front of you? That's what I call parking on the parkway, making sense of a nonsensical word. My natural impatience causes me to take the first exit in those circumstances and drive in circles on the roads noone else is using before finding another crowded road to wait on. Well, that's enough of my griping for now. That's temporary sleep deprivation talking. My apologies, dear readers.
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r. connors

Nature Sunday

2008-04-20T18:12:00.000-07:00

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I visited some local parks this afternoon in search of birds, flowers, and fresh air. The grey day quickly turned sunny as I wandered nature trails, breathing in the fresh, earthy smell of spring. At Kelley Point Park, people walked their dogs on the river beaches and fished from the shore. Smith and Bybee Lakes was atwitter, with multiple species of swallows swooping over the lakes and bright Audubon Warblers flitting through the trees. A sudden burst of wind and rain sent people scurrying for their cars, but the birds seemed to know that it would soon pass, and so it did.
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rc

Unseasonable

2008-04-19T10:24:00.000-07:00

Western Serviceberry Amelanchier alnifolia (thanks NW nature nut)

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There was snow and hard frost forecast for parts of the city last night. I don't know whether it transpired, but I think we're all ready for spring. I'm headed for the coast for a few days for work, so I'm hoping the weather is nice there. If anyone knows what the tree pictured above is, by all means chime in; I couldn't find it.
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Rose
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* Change in plans: staying in town for the weekend. So far today we've had snow pellets, rain, and sunshine.
rc

The Dancer

2008-04-18T10:02:00.000-07:00

Oregon fawn lily Erythronum oregonum- native

We hopped on the downtown bus yesterday with a few errands to run, and made a trip to the Portland Art Museum. The lovely special exhibit, The Dancer, is on display. It features studies of dancers, mostly ballerinas done by Degas, Toulouse-Lautrec, and Forain. The collection is inspiringly beautiful, and worth much more than the hour or so that we spent viewing it. Here is my favorite; significantly less beautiful and impressive in its diminutive, unframed form.

We spontaneously took a different bus route home, which of course worked out just fine, and got us home a few minutes earlier, since we eliminated a wait.

Rose

Pretty Carbs

2008-04-17T09:38:00.000-07:00

Common Camas Camassia Quamash- native

Camassia Natural Area is named for this grass-like plant. Most of the flowers weren't open yet when I visited. Camas was a major food source for the native inhabitants of the Pacific Northwest. They used the bulbs as a starch food source and actually cultivated the plant.

Old Lava

2008-04-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

Sea blush Plectritis congesta (native)

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Camassia Natural Area is the home of an ancient lava flow. The rock formations reminded me of something from The Hobbit. So I guess you could call it a "rock garden".
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Rose

Camassia

2008-04-15T10:42:00.000-07:00

Pacific Madrone

I went for a walk in the Camassia Natural Area, near the hospital I worked at last night, after work this morning. The botany and geology of the place is breathtaking. Despite being up all night and being a little cold, I was entranced by the solitude and natural grandeur.

Rose

Warmth

2008-04-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

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After a few summery days, the town is bursting with blooms. This one is on the deck though.
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Drinking in the beauty all around,
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Rose

Reruns

2008-04-13T18:26:00.000-07:00

Rufous Hummingbird

After working last night, I woke up early this afternoon and searched the Web for a suitable place to eat. We wound up at Nicholas Restaurant, a very lovely little, family-owned Mediterranean eatery full of tightly spaced tables crowded with diners, with more waiting outside the door for a seat. When the food started to arrive, I wished I had brought the camera. Of course, I also wish I had a device to share the smell of really good, fresh food. I had the Labney sandwich: "Imported yogurt cheese spread on fresh pita bread and layered with kalamata black olives with fresh mint, extra virgin olive oil, cucumbers and tomatoes." It came with rich, creamy hummus, fresh pita bread, and a crispy Lebanese salad with Nicholas' special recipe dressing. I washed it down with airan: a creamy, Lebanese yogurt drink. The waitress who took my order warned me that people often don't like airan, because it isn't sweet. I needed no such warning; it was delightful, just like the rest of the meal. jc had the best ever lentil soup with mjadra, a seasoned rice and lentil dish that was perfect for him.

Just the first in what I hope to be a series of fine local eateries at which I'll be tempted to blow my life savings.

Rose

Bybee-Howell House

2008-04-12T14:06:00.000-07:00

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We (and everyone else in Portland) took a drive in the country today. The house pictured above was built in the 1850's in the Greek revival style and authentically restored. It is now part of a park on Sauvie island.
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I'm off to work again tonight, and I'm starting to feel pretty comfortable with this particular hospital and the drive.
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Enjoying the sunny breezes over the river,
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Rose

Normal

2008-04-10T17:40:00.000-07:00

Red-Tailed Hawk

We're settling in nicely, learning our way around different parts of town almost every day. Today I finally got the package sent off to Big M, who shared exciting news this week. The kitties are starting to get used to hearing strange footsteps from our upstairs neighbords, Polly and Larry. Really, it's just Larry who steps loudly. I'll be orienting to the final local hospital system tomorrow, opening up several more opportunities for work. Maybe one of these days I'll get around to taking pictures somewhere other than my deck, too.

Rose

Recovered

2008-04-09T15:27:00.000-07:00

My hard drive crashed. jc heroically saved my files, when it seemed past hope, then installed a new one, with a net loss of maybe 24 hours of use. Today, I'm relaxing and enjoying the rain and the birds on the deck.

Mango Balls

2008-04-07T14:31:00.000-07:00

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I had a fantastic day yesterday with Laura and her family. Even church wasn't bad, although I didn't reconvert or anything. I was so impressed by what an outstanding man Laura is married to. It's good to see your friends happy and doing what they love. We spent the afternoon between church services chatting while her lovely children napped. You never know how these reunions will go, but this one was just delightful. Laura and I have gone in theologically opposite directions, but she wasn't afraid to ask me pertinent questions. I am so thankful for that honesty from her! I could gush all day, but I'll just say, even the mango balls she brought me are so good that I'm in danger of eating the whole bag in one sitting.
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Rose

Rainy Day

2008-04-05T16:40:00.000-07:00

Mt. Hood as seen from Hood River, about 60 miles east of here.

I noticed that I've used this post title before, but I do so love this kind of day. I worked last night, and a drippy, foggy, grey day makes such a good day for sleeping, or just plain relaxing. I'm meeting Laura tomorrow! I can't wait. She was my freshman roommate at Bob Jones. I'm sure we had our share of squabbles, as teenage roommates must, but we eventually became friends. She is a missionary in the Phillippines, along with her husband and children, of course. I am even breaking my embargo of church to see her. I last saw her at her wedding (I'm guessing about seven years ago), which I attended with Lewis of all people, and she imagined me married to him, an imagining that I can see with humor after this many years. Now, I'm going to creep out of my coccoon in search of sustenance.

Rose

Western Trillium

2008-04-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

trillium ovatum

As Promised

2008-04-03T17:15:00.000-07:00

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I'm enjoying a perfectly relaxing day with nothing whatsoever to do. I don't county unpacking those annoying little boxes of stuff that has no perfect place to go, because I'm going to continue to ignore them.
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Rose